Tuesday, June 10, 2008

It is high, it is far, it is... Roger Clemens on Viagra?

The Daily News says Roger Clemens and other MLB players use Viagra during games.

Doctors say the drug enhances blood flow to major parts of the – oh, the hell with this, we all know what it does: It makes a mean pitcher a little meaner.

Yeesh. It’s tough enough to stand in against a 95-mph fastball. Now, imagine it coming from a guy with a diamond-cutter poking from sliding shorts, and that if you bend to knock the dirt out of your cleats, he might make a flying leap at your dumpster.

Well, someone could make all sorts of lame jokes about this, but it would be crude and tasteless and – HELL, DID SOMEBODY SAY CRUDE AND TASTELESS?

Q: How does Roger Clemens throw on Viagra?
A: High and hard.

Q: What do they call Roger Clemens at the Fruit of the Loom company?
A: That guy with the wicked splitter.

Q: When on Viagra, how does Roger Clemens screw in a light bulb?
A: Quite well. The hard part, though, is getting him inside the light bulb.

Q: Why did Roger Clemens throw the bat at Mike Piazza?
A: He didn’t need two of them.

Q: What does Roger Clemens never find in a bullpen?
A: True relief.

Q: What do they call Roger Clemens caught in a rundown?
A: The pickle in the pickle.

Q: When Roger Clemens comes up to bat, what do fans expect?
A: Good wood.

Q: You hear Roger Clemens has gotten a little kinky while on Viagra?
A: Yeah, he's gotten to like being handcuffed by grounders.

Q: If you're Roger Clemens, what's worse than a hanging curve?
A: Just hanging.

Q: Why did Roger Clemens come to the ballpark early?
A: He heard there was a chance to shag a few flies.

Q: What team did Roger Clemens most love to play?
A: The Tampa Bay Devil Lays.

Q: Why did Roger Clemens want to be a closer?
A: He wanted to experience a blown save.

Q: Why was Roger Clemens a lousy batter?
A: He spent too much time choking up.

1 comment:

Bostowned said...

***************THIS JUST IN****************
Roger Clemens has been sited for abusing Enzyte while pitching! Apparently it increases the length of your throwing arm to allow more dip on his dive and more drop to hit flop!

This explains his use of Viagra now!

Im here all week, dont forget to tip your waitresses!