Monday, June 16, 2008

Yankeetorial: Screw Cleveland and What They'll Want for C.C.

An Open Letter to Mr. Brian Cashman...

Dear Madam or Sir:

Nowhere in baseball is the Wind-blown Blooper Double Standard -- one rule for MLB, one rule for the Yanks -- more celebrated than in trades.

Arizona says it will trade Curt Schilling. They tell us it'll cost Alphonso Soriano, Nick Johnson and an everyday player. Then they gift him to Boston for a case of Sam Adams and a presciption of Viagra.

Minnesota must ditch Johan Santana. They tell us it must be Melky, Hughes, Kennedy and a prospect. Everybody else? A couple wampum belts and a hash pipe will do.

With Chien-Ming Wang hurt, those Midwestern floods aren't from the weather; it's Cleveland salivating over what they'll demand from us for C.C. Sabathia.

Worse part: The guy is hot right now. He stank at the beginning of the season, and he was Chien-Ming Sabathia in October. He'll cool off soon, and Cleveland knows it. They can't wait to peddle the guy. And they'll want too much.

That's the Blooper Rule: Any trade with the Yankees must be a slam dunk steal. There is no North American Fair Trade Agreement with NY. Transactions must be complete, utter bank robberies, otherwise the GM will lose faith among his brethren.

Screw it. Don't do it.

Don't return their calls. Put blocks on their emails. Take out an Order of Protection, requiring that all Cleveland Indian executives stay at least 300 feet from Yank trading officials.

They'll want Melancon, Hughes, Kennedy -- and, Jesus -- yes, they'll want Jesus! They'll want Horne, Gardner, Jackson, and Jesus -- yes, they'll want Jesus. DO NOT TRADE JESUS, UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED THROUGH ETERNITY AS THE MAN WHO TRADED JESUS.

But you know what would be worse? Being the man who traded Doug Drabek... Jay Buhner... Willie McGee... et al.

That's how we built the 1980s -- the worst period in American and Yankee history.

Cash, you saw it. Remember how it unfolded? Once you make one big deal, once you peddle away young guys for a vet, expectations rise, and you fall deeper into the hole... soon, you have to trade for another slob. And another. And another.

Look at how expectations have destroyed the Mets this year.

Stay the course. We are five games out in the loss column. It took us until August to get that close last year.

Last time we checked, Tampa was still Tampa.

Boston has NO bullpen. Let them pull another deal for Eric Gagne. Let them savage their system for C.C. Sabathia. (Trouble is, they won't. That's how they've gotten there, along with the Double Trade standard.)

Somebody will emerge from our system. Or maybe not. Either way, ride with what we've got.

It's time we take a stand against the Double Standard.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I'm absolutely in accord, Amigo. But we are whistling in the wind.

With the Yankees starting to taste success, in combination with the Wang/Bruney disasters and the currently laughable deal to keep Kennedy and Hughes, Hank will force Brian to pull the trigger, no matter what the price.

This latest injury will break the levees. The Yankee flood will be a 100 year flood, and we'll have old failures on hand until we are playing in China.

Hold forth Brian?

Not a prayer.

The deal is already done. The buses are being backed up from Scranton to Charleston.

Our minor league build up of talent is officially over.