Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Republican Presidential Hopeful Returns To Red Sox Flock.

"Hi there, I closely resemble  Governor Sanford of South Carolina. In fact, I have purloined a picture of him ( on right ) to demonstrate just how much I do look like him.

 I'm proud to be a Red Sox fan, a family man, a person of faith and a strong Republican leader who doesn't believe in taking Federal money to create jobs for those out of work in my state."

Why should you believe me?  What gives me away as a life-long Republican?

  Does my $800 haircut give it away?  Or my artificially whitened teeth,? My Brooks Brother's (personally) tailored shirt?  The absence of glasses those damn intellectuals wear?  My $1000 silk tie?

I've recently violated God's Law of morality and want you all to know that there are consequences for doing that.

My consequence is having to attend  at a press conference with people other than my friends at the Fox Network.  

 I intend to make a statement, hopefully with my lovely and still adoring wife at my side, announcing that I shall resign my chairmanship of the Republican Party's Governor's Committee on fleecing everyday Americans.

I have recently lied to most everyone , fallen in love with a close family friend from Argentina, ( whom I intend to dump in favor of  re-building my political career with the fine people of South Carolina ), and confessed to several days of unGodly and unauthorized boning in Argentina, not on the Appalachian trail.

I will continue to lobby against Universal Health Care, support lower taxes for the privileged, deny women's rights to choose  ( those Islamists have got that thing right ), and refuse to take taxpayer's money to create jobs for the people of my state.

This is the Republican way, and that is the law which I hold most dear.

In short, it is my contention that I should still remain a viable candidate of my party for this land's highest office, and believe Sarah Palin would make a great side-kick in that endeavor.

In conclusion, let me apologize ( temporarily) for being a narrow minded, bigoted sleazebag.

I just figured that no one would notice. 

 I go to church every Sunday.

Go Sox !!!

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