Saturday, April 17, 2021

Holy crap! This isn't a movie! THIS IS REAL! And the Yankees are TERRIBLE!

Not sure how to process Giancarlo Bonilla/ Ellsbury/Tartabull  Stanton's 7th inning HR last night. 

In a normal time, I'd roll up from the death couch and raise a toast: It could mean old Gia is finally emerging from his winter hibernation. It'd sure be nice to have the cleanup slot hitting more than .182. 

But last night, that's now how I felt. 

Down 8-0 in the 7th, a HR is a fucking insult to the Yankiverse. 

At that point, if you actually seek to win the game, your team needs baserunners, not a base-clearing bomb. Any batter who can't - or doesn't - temper his swing to reach base, well, that's a guy who wins the MVP award on a last place team, and who then gets dealt for a bag of chips. Sound like anyone you know?

Today, that might be our best long term strategy: Finish dead last, play three months of meaningless games, let Stanton rake big numbers and then, next winter, deal the guy for a handful of magic beans. 

Listen: This isn't a mirage. This isn't the Matrix, Earth 2 or the Upside-Down. Brad Pitt isn't going to emerge from the clubhouse. This is real, here, now... The Yankees suck. They face a crisis of management, leadership, and probably penmanship. This is a last place team... and look... no foul Odor joke!  

In the eighth, angry fans threw objects onto the field. Come on, people. That's no good. Show a little intelligence. These are professional athletes. They're agile (with exception of Jay Bruce), good at dodging things. I say, TACKS IN THE DRIVEWAY! THE OLD ED WHITSON REMEDY! Who's got the nail keg? 

But wait... not for the players. Nope. They don't deserve the full Eddie Lee. As Alec Baldwin would tell Jack Lemon... THIS IS FOR CLOSERS! I'm talking about the driveway to Mr. Hal's house, which is probably longer than a country road. Food Stamps Steinbrenner. I'd doc him right here, if I had computer skills. I'd send him 100 subscriptions to the Man-Boy Love Gazette, with a complementary copy to the Manhattan District Attorney's office. I'd order 20 pizzas to his house under the name, "Anita Mantokiss!" Who's got the slow-drying paint? The 150-volt joy buzzer! The Sarin gas whoopie cushion! 

Okay, sorry about that. I just took a pill. I feel calm now.

So, today... Tyler Glasnow? 

So much for today. 

Then Sunday, we're back to Gerrit Cole and praying for rain. Remember early March, when the Yankees were publicly opining about a joyous six-man rotation? What toads were we licking? Look... Cole's great. Love him. But are we really going to do run him at full bore for the entire month of April? Are we trying to squeeze 300 innings out of him? We sat Aaron Judge two days because his side hurt. Now, we're so desperate for a quality starter that - well - we're going to run Cole into the ground?

In a normal April, we should not be worrying about these things. 

Hah. A normal April...


Absolom Bracer said...

The stink is so bad, it leaves me queasy clear out here in the Rocky Mountains. This looks like a team that just doesn't care. Even Aaron Boone doesn't look like he believes in this team.

mik said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again -- this is Groundhogs day for our beloved interlocking NY. Our manager should be a maître d', our SS is a 2nd baseman, our catcher is a basket-case, our outfield made of glass, our bullpen burnt out in April, one starting pitcher who must be asking himself "I'm here for how many more years?", no left handed legit hitters, no left handed power hitters. Cashman is a dick

Unknown said...

This made me cry

Anonymous said...

I turned this thing off after the Tampons took a 2-0 lead in the first. I could see where it was going. Saw on the highlight (or lowlight) show that it didn't become 8-0 until the fifth, which was a surprise. I thought it would be 18-0 after four innings.

The Hammer of God

HoraceClarke66 said...

Mike King came on and pitched three shutout innings, Hammer.

In his last outing, Mike King came on and pitched six shutout innings—and was sent to Triple-A the next day.

I guess by those standards he will go to Double-A today. If such a thing still exists.

JM said...

I, too, turned it on in the first, saw Ricky Nelson walk three guys in a row with two outs, and switched to the British old-guy cop show "New Tricks" on Acorn. Competent veterans. Made me feel better.

Anonymous said...

Said this yesterday but, why open with the struggling guy and THEN put in the guy who can pitch (King)?

It pretty much guaranteed we'd be playing from behind against a team we have trouble beating.


Doug K.

BernBabyBern said...

I had a buddy of mine years ago who was a Mets fan. He hated hated hated George Foster. He called him "The king of the 3-run homer in a 12-0 ballgame."

I fear that's what we'll be calling Stanton by the end of the season.

Anonymous said...

@BernBabyBern That's why Stanton should've been traded away after his first year here. He'd had had a rough year, mostly garbage time home runs, but he did put up some numbers, if I remember correctly. Got to acknowledge mistakes quickly and cut your losses. Instead, we hang on to him, like we hang on to every piece of garbage, courtesy of Brain Cashman & Co. He's now hurt every year. So far, he's not getting hurt, which is the worst thing that could've happened.

The Hammer of God

Retired Stratman said...

I hurts to watch what they’re doing to Clint Frasier. He walks up to the plate mumbling to himself, watches strike three, then schlumps off to the dugout, still mumbling to himself, utterly defeated. They are killing him. He should have his agent demand a trade to get him out of this hellhole before he crumples completely.

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