Monday, April 12, 2021

Tampa delenda est!

 (From the bright mind and dark computer of HoraceClarke66)

So good news and bad news out of Tampa today.

The YES broadcast reported today—well before repeated, further failures by all three—that Hicks, Stanton, and Torres, the heart of the Yankees' seemingly random batting order, were batting .193 between them, with all of 12 ribbies in 9 games.

The good news? It can't possibly get any worse than this. Trust me, before long...at least one and probably two of those three will be on the DL. 

I kid, I kid!  Gleyber Torres batted in an entire run today, and Giancarlo Stanton—seen here watching yet another pop-up settle gently into an infielder's glove—will surely come around. Right?

But more immediately, I want to talk about the sheer, soul-sucking horror that is a game against the Tampa Bay Rays.  

Oh, I know, I know.  They are incredible underdogs, with pluck and heart, and brilliant minds in their front office who have discovered how to parlay their limited resources into a continual contender.

They are also the black hole of baseball, the soundless, formless, infinite density entity that will draw the entire sport into it within a few more years and crush it flatter than a pancake. Simply watching a game in Tampa is a mind-numbing experience, starting with the Rays' home dome, which has all the charm and elegance of your average Amazon fulfillment center.   

Then comes the endless parade of two-inning arms, the no-name lineup of .220 hitters, and in general all the thrills of your average curling match. This is baseball to hang yourself by.

This has got to stop.  MLB has to either find a reliable tycoon to remake this dreadful franchise, top to bottom—isn't there a spare Steinbrenner heir hanging around somewhere?—or simply dissolve it, and start anew.  

Yes, the Rays may be winners. Everyone else—fans, players, and even owners—will be the ultimate losers, if this slow-moving, flesh-eating bacteria of a team is allowed to go on passing this sort of mass ennui off as major-league baseball.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, at least we don't have to worry about Hicks sucking when bats third tonight. He doesn't feel like playing cuz, well we know.
I assume that he will be donating his one game salary of$66,578.48 to a worthy BLM charity, or maybe the store owners who got looted last night in Minny.
Just saying..
THe Archangel

Mustang said...

I'm with Hicksie.

JM said...

Me, too.

I understand what Hoss is saying, yet...they win. They win. And they have a tendency to beat the pants off of us.

That means something.

Of course, I like curling. Really, the big matches, the championship ones. It's just like I like football (soccer, that is), but only watch the World Cup.

Anonymous said...

I would add another thing to the hideous nonsense by the Tampons: the T.B.A. starter, who turns out to be an "opener" for the real starter, who is actually a reliever in the last game of the series. They're always pulling off b/s like that. I'm glad that it didn't work out for them, but it almost did.

And all the stupid shifting in the infield, which eventually will become outfield shifts as well. One day, we're going to see a 7 player infield or 7 guys standing in right field. Maybe even 3 guys standing behind the plate.

Those kinds of things are the obnoxious part of the Tampons. But here I think it's appropriate to acknowledge that they're doing a lot of baseball things right also. They must have terrific scouting operations in order to find these young players who all turn out to be stars. And they must have great coaching to continue to develop these young players, many of who were cast offs from other teams' farm systems. They trade for these pebbles and many of them turn into diamonds.

On the other hand, I don't know if the Yankee scouting is up to par or if our coaches suck or if it's both. Or if it's just the Brain & Co. that is screwing everything up. Most likely, it must be a combination of all three. Most guys who come here end up sucking or getting hurt. Many of our young players who first come up play great for a year or less, and then retrogress over the next several years. And many of our young players never even get a real chance to develop before they're shipped off.

The Hammer of God