Saturday, May 17, 2008

Joel Sherman eats the shrooms

Joel the Mole, straining to fill a rain delay hallucinates a pony under the tree.

"How amazing would it be if this were the year that Mike Mussina wins 20 games for the first time?"

Not very.

Mussina is a competent pitcher, a true professional, a learned scholar and a great tactician of the game.

Twenty games? Bah.

Thirty wins would be interesting. Forty would be amazing. Twenty... Bah.

What if Joe Girardi turns out to be a woman? What if one night, while removing a pitcher, Joe tears off his jersey to reveal shaved armpits, a love tattoo for Johnny Depp, and voluptuous breasts -- I mean, muy gigundo chalombes -- secretly corsetted in painful leather straps for 30 years!

That would be amazing.

What if the President of the United States went to Saudi Arabia with his grubby hat in his bloody hands, and begged the propped-up poohbahs, his daddy's golf companions, for a 10 percent discount on the oil we've been drinking for 90 years, and they told him, speaking in Chinese, to take a hike?

That would be amazing.

Mussina? Twenty games? Bah.

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