Friday, May 23, 2008

Steamy revelation in Stadium jinx case

Today we are treated to yet another steamy revelation from the Red Sock fan whose feeble attempt to jinx the New Yankee Stadium was thwarted by the forces of what's right and good in the world.

Gino Castignoli reveals in today's Daily Planet that on the same morning he planted a David Ortiz jersey and a Red Sock scorecard deep within the bowels of the New Stadium construction site, he also contributed an additional souvenir from deep within his own bowels.

Yes, dear fans, Mr. Castignoli called for a deuce, took his own internal core sample and dropped a big steaming turd in the punch bowl of Yankeedom, metaphorically speaking.

"There was nobody around, and I really had to go," said Castignoli before a hastily-imagined news conference at a Midtown eatery. "It was early in the morning, still damp out. I'd been eating a lot of bran just in case I got an opportunity like this. I looked around, and then just went right there. After I was done, I was going to cover it up right away, but something told me not to.

"I stepped back, and watched the steam rise. It was really beautiful, like being on the backstretch at Churchill Downs after a dawn workout. It was so big, I wish I had a camera to take a picture of it. Come on, you guys have done that, right? It kinda looked like a big dead catfish, hey ... catfish. Heh."

Mr. Castignoli refused to reveal the precise location of his impromptu fertilization project, but indicated that he was "proud" of what he'd done.

"That dump has my DNA all over it," he said. "That means the DNA of a Red Sox fan is buried under the pitcher's mound of the New Yankee Stadium. Oops, I mean left, no, right field. Yeah, down near the foul pole. Yeah, that's the ticket."

There were no immediate plans to dig up Mr. Castignoli's contribution to the lore of the Red Sock-Yankee rivalry, nor were there any plans to auction it off. In fact, area scientists noted that in all likelihood, the dew-covered doo-doo had already returned to cozy confines of terra firma. However, respresentatives of the Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum in Cooperstown, N.Y., indicated that if any traces were recovered, the Hall would consider placement in a special exhibit on the shrine's front lawn.

One thing remains clear: The Red Socks are No. 1 in Gino's heart, but the Yankees are No. 2.


Anonymous said...

One-way tix only, right?

Do you play "Free Bird" in the cockpit?

Or Otis Redding's Greatest, er, Hits?

Anonymous said...

It's all John Denver I would assume...

Plus the in-flight movie is "Final Destination"

Anonymous said...

Will somebody please lock this lunatic up in some isolated ward for the rest of his pathetic life?