Saturday, May 31, 2008

Top Ten Yankee Punchlines Through First Third of Season

1. Jason Giambi’s golden thong.


2. Kei Igawa scouring Pa. Amish Country for fine sushi.

Dice-K is on the DL with a mystery bum shoulder. Wouldn’t it be neat if, in the end, we actually get more for our wasted Japanese investment than Boston?

3. Carol Pavano. (The King.)

Great news: He's light-tossing off the mound!

4. Hank Steinbrenner, as chain-smoking, dim-witted acorn that fell from Family Tree of Back Page Quotations.

He’s does the Will Ferrell dumb-ass look almost better than Will Ferrell.

5. Derek Jeter’s personal quest to conquer the Maxim Hot 100.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, deliver him from Kim Kardashian...

6. John Sterling, "thu-uh Voice... driven by Jeep."

Frankly, it's too easy. Besides, aside from us at IT IS HIGH, no one on the planet more deeply mourns a Yankee loss.

7. Jason Giambi's emerging porno mustache.

To replace his weight jokes. (Hello, Chris Britton?) OK, time to state the obvious: As much as Yank fans can’t wait for the contract to end, we’re really going to miss this guy.

8. George's advanced senility.

As the Greatest Generation increasingly howls at the moon, this joke is losing steam. Who wants to be remembered for cracking the last "Old Crazy George" line?

9. A-Rod as A-Hole.

We glimpsed life without him. Let's STFU.

10. Phil Hughes/Ian Kennedy: The new Nomars.

God help us. This isn't funny.

1 comment:

michael kei said...

True about the Giambino. I actually get excited when he comes up to bat. Y'know, to see that weird animal growing below his nose.