Thursday, January 31, 2008

Congratulations Mets, Winners of 2008 February World Series

Good read, but AP buries the lede....

Of course, giving a long-term contract to a pitcher can be risky. Only three have gotten deals worth more than $100 million: Barry Zito (San Francisco), Mike Hampton (Colorado) and Kevin Brown (Los Angeles Dodgers).

Sheesh. Oh well, why remember the lessons of history, when you can be Number 1 in February!

Over our 7-year recession, we have won the February World Series several times. Remember when we snarfed A-Rod from the Redsocks' Jerusalem manger scene? Hell, we won that February World Series. Then we got The Big Unit. Remember riding down the Canyon of Heroes, while the sportswriters spewed happy ticker tape? We won that February World Series, too.

As Clarence Thomas would say, "Well, whooptee-damm-do."

Listen: It would take the team of Woodward and Geraldo to figure out why the Twins passed on accepting Phil and Melky for Johan, the Pride of Hugo Chavez. I think it was the Supermodel hidden inside them, marveling over all the suitors at her door. She said, "I'll sleep with the one who jumps off the highest roof." In the Rumsfeldian fog of erection, we climbed the fire escape. We stood on the ledge. But we didn't jump.

We knew she just wanted to see us splatter.

Now, some journalism class analysts are carping that we didn't charge in and offer Alan Horne, Jesus Montero, Justin Tuck and Dopey Dildox, and seduce the supermodel with scouting reports from Baseball America. We could have won the February World Series.

Yeesh. Thank God we climbed down off that roof.

We talked to that supermodel. She took off her blouse. One boob said, "Kevin." The other said, "Brown." (A dangling broach said, "Vote for George W. Bush.") We remembered history's lessons. The Mets nuzzled up, ponied up, climbed the roof, and halfway to the pavement, proposed marriage.

Kevin Brown. Mike Hampton. Barry Zito. Johan Santana.

Congratulations, New York Mets: 2008 February World Series Winners!

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