Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Yankee Bloggers, seeking to project Hughes career, prove mathematical existence of God

Scientists across the globe Tuesday hailed a major mathematical breakthrough, after several Yankeeologists, competing to calculate how many innings Phil Hughes will pitch next year, produced logarithms to unlock the secrets of life.

The bloggers sought to prove the trade of two grade A (Sickels Scale) prospects for a Johan Santana would backfire, based on a 13 percent injury rate. Using formulas and equations only they understood, the researchers found a 71 percent certainty in the existence of God, and a whopping 94 percent certainty in the existence of Joba Chamberlain.

Amazingly, the bloggers used pencils and paper, rather than the Cray supercomputers used by Harvard University professors attempting the same feat. They projected Hughes' career wins and losses, along with gallstones, reproductive cycles and his exact moment of death. Unfortunately, they refused to collaborate due to violent disagreements over Ian Kennedy's value as a trading chip.


Stang said...

So God exists.

That's very bad news for me and David Wells.

Anonymous said...

Why, of course Jacoby Ellsbury exists ...