Tuesday, January 8, 2008

World Beginning to Cringe over Clemens

Now he's calling people and taping the conversations.

This is bad. This is really bad. We're going through our back files, wondering what we said when he called drunk at 2 a.m. It was something about Fred Thompson's wife and Leonardo DiCaprio. We were foggy. We may have said things that can be misinterpreted. Clemens goaded us. He had an agenda. Maybe he was only acting drunk. Actually, come to think of it, he said he was on syrup. He always gets crazy when doing syrup.

We at IT IS HIGH... hereby apologize in advance for any unfortunate statements we may or may not have made to Roger Clemens during one of his many phone calls to our homes.
We hope and pray that this great future Hall of Famer will honor the privacy of those long and often emotional conversations.

Also, we sincerely hope that he stops this program of wiretaps. Apparently, now out of baseball, Roger seeks endorsement opportunities for the Department of Homeland Security.
Finally, we offer our sincere apologies to both Fred Thompson's wife and Leonardo DiCaprio for any discussions that may in the future become public regarding this great wife of a public servant and fine actor.


Anonymous said...

Calling Lucianne Goldberg!

I'm Bill White said...

Damn you, Texas and New York law! Damn you!

Anonymous said...

When will Clemens release ALL his tapes?? The public has a right to know what he really thinks of Kissinger (or was it Kessinger?).

Anonymous said...

Chuck Knoblauch got .2% of the Hall of Fame vote today. Who's vote was that?

Player Total Votes Percentage
Rich Gossage 466 85.8%
Jim Rice 392 72.2%
Andre Dawson 358 65.9%
Bert Blyleven 336 61.9%
Lee Smith 235 43.3%
Jack Morris 233 42.9%
Tommy John 158 29.1%
Tim Raines 132 24.3%
Mark McGwire 128 23.6%
Alan Trammell 99 18.2%
Dave Concepcion 88 16.2%
Don Mattingly 86 15.8%
Dave Parker 82 15.1%
Dale Murphy 75 13.8%
Harold Baines 28 5.2%
Rod Beck 2 0.4%
Travis Fryman 2 0.4%
Robb Nen 2 0.4%
Shawon Dunston 1 0.2%
Chuck Finley 1 0.2%
David Justice 1 0.2%
Chuck Knoblauch 1 0.2%
Todd Stottlemyre 1 0.2%
Jose Rijo 0 0%
Brady Anderson 0 0%

BernBabyBern said...

I believe Chuck Knoblauch's vote came from Keith Olbermann, in honor of his mom.