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Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Don Mattingly Is Viable, Goddammit!

An Open Letter To The Baseball Writers' Association of America ("BBWAA")

Dear BBWAA:

Don Mattingly received 15.8% of the vote in the 2008 Baseball Writers Elections.

In your pretend world, where the votes are ostensibly "based upon the player's record, playing ability, integrity, sportsmanship, character, and contributions to the team(s) on which the player played," 15.8% is nothing.

In fact, Donnie Baseball's 86 votes put him 322 votes under what you call the minimum number of votes necessary to make your smarmy little club.

But in Iowa -- sweet, Democratic Iowa -- 15.8% is viable.

Viable!

If you ran your little operation more like Teeds Grove than Tammany Hall, Donnie Baseball could still be in the mix.

He'd be viable!

And any Yankees fan knows that nothing can stop a viable Don Mattingly from getting into the Hall.

Nothing.

Let us paint the picture for you.

We're in the Teeds Grove gymnasium. It's cold outside, but in the gym, the air is hot with anticipation.

In a corner, John Kruk takes two pieces of pie, sheepishly telling people in earshot that "the other one is for Gammons. Really. It is. For Pete."

The BBWAA voters mill around waiting for instructions to begin forming "preference groups."

And so it begins.

We'd see 23's preference group pulling extra, unnecessary votes from Gossage (the Goose only needs 408) -- that's another 58 for Mattingly!

With Mark McGwire's 128 (steroid allegations), Dave Parker's 82 (Pittsburgh drug trials) and Dale Murphy's (Mormon, see Romney, Mitt) 75 up for grabs -- that'd push Mattingly over the top.

In sum, Iowa isn't all that far from Cooperstown, dear BBWAA.

You be the wave, and let Mattingly ride it!





3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jayson Stark is the new Boss Tweed! Be our hero Jayson. Cast your vote, work your magic.

Anonymous said...

We want "Change."

Anonymous said...

I vote for Fay Vincent, too.