Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Yanks inviteth Jesus to Tampa

The Yankees have invited future savior/designated hitter Jesus H. Montero to spring training, where he will be the youngest guy in the clubhouse, with the exception of Brian Cashman's body double.

Jeez is 18, barely old enough to watch a Christopher Walken movie. Baseball America ranks him 6th in the organization's horse sheet, based on teeth plate imprints and stool sample analysis. We've already paid the guy more than a million dollars, so the gag's on us if he's the next Jackson Melian. (If you're scoring at home, Jackson Melian was the last future Yankee savior with a Biblical sound; he was named after Reggie and was the reincarnation of Babe Ruth, according to local dignitary. The day he signed, Bobby Murcer called him, "Jackson Million." We traded him, Ed Yarnall and Drew Henson -- yeech, another future savior -- for Denny "Train Whistle" Neagle. Yeeech, this is nightmare down Bad Memory Lane.)

More than a million bucks? Who cares! Tra-la-la, it's January. Jeez could be our starting catcher -- assuming Jorge Posada ever retires, which we officially oppose -- in the year 2020, known to the Chinese as "The Year of Hugh Downs."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Is he Jewish, too? Just asking.