Friday, January 18, 2008

The Evolution of Wilson Betemit

We signed him today for $1.16, avoiding arbitration.

His route to us is like reading software code.

Last year, we got him from the Dodgers for Scott Proctor, after Scott began setting fire to his uniforms.

We got Proctor and Bubba Crosby from the Dodgers in 2004 for Robin Ventura, after Robin couldn't bend over.

We got Robin from the Mets in 2001 for David Justice, after Justice dumped Halle Barre because she was so ugly, he couldn't stand to look at her. (He also lost his batting eye.)

We got Justice from Cleveland in 2000 for Rickie Ledee, Jake Westbrook and Zach Day, because, hey, we were into trading everybody under age 23.
We got Westbrook from Montreal in 1999, with Ted Lilly and Christian Parker for Hideki Irabu, a/k/a "fat toad," because, well, by then he was a running gag.
We got Hideki from Japan, after trading future failed superstar Ruben Rivera and Rafael Medina to the San Diego Padres for the rights to dick around with him.

Footnote: Rivera made headlines in 2002 by stealing and selling Derek Jeter’s glove. Our question: Was it a Wilson?

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