Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Yankeetorial: Let's Lay Off Igawa

Open letter to the Yankee Blogiverse:

Far be it from us to whine about the unspeakable treatment of Mr. Kei Igawa.

Frankly, we're disgraceful. Buzz Bissinger should come to our homes, sleep with our wives and steal our cattle.

But, hey, that's us. We're angry at the world -- ever try to get AA batteries out of the hard plastic packs, you'll goddamm cut yourself. And will girlie blogs ever stop printing photos of Amy Winehouse with their starlet bikiini collections, WTF, ouch, they ruin the mood! -- so we lash out.

Lately, the Yankiverse has been ripping on Kei. He's the new Carl, the new Hank.

But it's all wrong. Here's why.

1. It's not his fault we're overpaying him. And he's not the only one.

2. It doesn't help. The Redsock blogiverse pumps up Coco Crisp, trying to boost his trade value. (Which is pathetic, BTW, because nobody cares what bloggers say.)

3. We have no lefty bullpen specialist. If Igawa becomes the guy who gets Papi out, who cares what we makes?

4. Jose Contreras. It took him three years. We traded him for a bottle of cough syrup. He took the Chisox to the Series.

So here's the plan... (it's similar to Operation: Chaos)...

No more hitting on Kei Igawa.

Let's get behind our Pitching Ambassador to the Oriental Arts!

Kei Igawa, A Poem.

Kei Igawa!
Ours today.
He's our flowah.
He's O-Kei!

Kei Igawa!
Won't betray
Pitching powah,
He's O-Kei!

Kei Igawa!
Hear him say,
"Batter: Cowah!
"I'm O-Kei."

Kei Igawa!
No delay.
In the showah,
He's O-Kei.


Bostowned said...

That was epic failure man. But original so not a total loss ;)

Anonymous said...

Not until he gets his teeth fixed!

This dude is hard to watch. It's like he pitches with apples in his mouth...al stuck on a front fang.