Cinderella '51 Yanks take Game One over '98ers, 7-4. Game two Monday

Vic Raschi, tourney MVP?
Coney gets ripped.
Knobby with the yips?
Next up: Sain v Pettitte

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Giancarlo Stanton has healed and is preparing for his next injury

BREAKING NEWS: Aaron Boone says that if the season began Thursday, as it was originally planned, Yankee mainstay Giancarlo Stanton could have possibly played.

REPEATING, BREATHLESSLY: If the season started this week, as was planned, Yankee superstar Giancarlo Stanton could have possibly played, assuming conditions warranted and he avoided another injury. Yankee officials tell IIHIIFIIc that not only could Stanton have possibly worked, but he could have maybe, possibly, we-got-a-great-feeling-about-this belted a home run.

IIHIIFIIc hereby is naming Stanton Comeback Player of 2020 Spring Training, for proving potential doubters possibly wrong. Stanton has recovered from a muscle strain, characterized by Boone as "the invisible scourge."

Some had suggested Stanton would miss opening day. Today, their faces are covered in yoke. They are fake news, lies told by people who seek to hurt Yankee workers. 

Some of you may wonder why regular team doctors are not part of today's announcement. That's because the Yankees have upgraded their medical staff to include Dr. Judge Jeanine Pirro. Speaking of judges, stay tuned for updates on Aaron, who soon might have been able to play on May 1. 


Parson Tom said...

This just in!

Aaron Boone provides this exciting update on Judge:

“I think the thoracic outlet — he didn’t have that but that’s often times what’s associated. So it’s just making sure that that was healed because that’s when we have the concerns of flying and all that so cleared in that regard and hopefully now. Obviously, one of the good things is that hopefully this is a time where he can get the proper rest to allow that bone, allow that rib to heal properly and hopefully, when it’s time to play ball, Aaron’s with us.”

So that settles that.

ranger_lp said...

Since you posted that, Stanton tripped coming out of the shower and pulled a gonad. Out six more weeks...ESPN should have that breaking story by tomorrow...

JM said...

We coulda been a contender.

TheWinWarblist said...

Stay safe all you stadium rats.

Anonymous said...


Parson Tom said...

Booney is an artist with the word "hopeful." Where do people go to learn how not to say anything while continuously talking. Must be a special class for those who get microphones shoved in their faces. Or maybe somebody writes this stuff for them so they sound all folksy and caring and sharing while revealing only slightly more than nothing.

And the desperate knuckleheads with cameras and recorders lap it up like it's a Watergate scoop even though Boone's got nothing more than rainbows and lollipops.

HoraceClarke66 said...

There was an update on Judge's condition from a Dr. J. Lewis:

"So it's the thoracic outlet, and what with the flying and the bone and the batting the baseball and the throwing everywhere and the running and the sliding and HEY LADY!"

el duque said...