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Friday, March 27, 2020

Virtual Off-Day: Giancarlo Stanton Pledges to Redouble His Model Pressing Efforts!

Yankees star Giancarlo Stanton, currently sidelined with a freak lace tip injury, vowed today to redouble his model-press efforts while he waits to take the field again.

During the Yanks' off-day in Baltimore, Giancarlo invited the press in to watch him bench press not only Adriana Lima, his favorite off-season lift, but also model Miranda Kerr.

Holding one model in each hand, Stanton lifted the lovely ladies effortlessly.  Afterwards, though, he reported feeling a strain in both of his buttocks, and requested the attention of the Yankees' medical staff.

Manager Aaron Boone denied that Stanton was seriously injured, and said, "You know, if there was game today, he could go.  A game of parcheesi, at least."

3 comments:

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Got a cheery post from mlb.com. They sent me an uplifting message:
"Even though we're apart, we can come together.
Opening Day is about hope, belief and community - exactly what we need right now. Even though the start of our season is postponed, baseball can bring people together. Carry out your traditions, put on your favorite team's gear and reach out to your friends, family and teammates who share a love for this game. Today is Opening Day at Home."

I sent them back an equally uplifting message (for me anyway):

"So does this mean you'll be giving refunds on the mlb package?

Just asking. I know you're money grubbing assholes and won't give back a dime."

So much cheerfulness. Glad to contribute.

JM said...

MLB is very concerned. They're concerned that the billionaire owners won't be making another billion this year, but they are concerned.

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