'51 Yanks take 3-2 lead over '98ers in All-Time Greatest Team series

Gil... AGAIN!
Knobby & Jeet, still sweet!
Mickey takes Coney downtown!
Raschi goes nine!
Springfield Rifle... Tourney MVP?
Next up: Allie Reynolds v. Andy Pettitte
Rematch: Superchief v Andy!
World War III!
This is it!


Thursday, March 19, 2020

Could 2020 - the Yankees' great hope for resurgence - be a wipe-out?

Everybody's depressed. How can you not be? Right now, I'd trade the family quilt for a 24-rack of Charmin double-ply. Yesterday, roaming the grocery, I was pondering salt-bomb cans of Campbell's soup and post-doomsday Hostess Twinkies, while the store played a Muzak version of "Who'll Stop the Rain." Even for the Fates - (who are bastards, by the way) - that's a low blow. So today, I say we gin up some high-octane, slit-the-wrists, IT IS HIGH Yankee pessimism. By comparison, today's visit from god of death Wolf Blitzer will seem bubbly. 

The other day, Trump predicted normal life might return by July-August. He doesn't know. If he's off, then it's September-October. Even if they've been living at camp, MLB players will need several weeks to ramp up. An August opening day might mean a 40-game season, unless they move everything to Florida and Arizona. Fifty games? Sixty? Or maybe - gulp - the owners punt, cash in their insurance claims, and jettison the season entirely.

Yes, it's time to ponder the worst case scenario, the societal nuclear bomb... no baseball season at all. 

It hurts my head. My gums bleed. By September, this blog will be a cookbook. We'll have re-watched every Yankee Classic, binged every Netflix series, and I'll have re-read Gravity's Rainbow to the point of understanding 20 percent of it. And that's if I'm not hooked up to a steam calliope. 

No season at all? Wouldn't that be the ultimate lawn dart in the ass? We Yankee fans go 10 diddly-shit years, while Boston grabs two rings - one in which they probably cheated - and then, when we finally have an ace to lead us, the world becomes an episode of Twilight Zone, where we sit in fortified chicken coops, like Osama waiting for Seal Team 666 to call our numbers. Well, lemme tell you something: If that turns out to be my fate, the juju gods are going to get an earful. They may think they heard foul language when Rosemary Clooney reached her final gang-tackle, but if they deny Yankee fans our rightful opportunity to march one more time down the Canyon of Heroes... we riot. 

That's right. Sticks and stones. Ski masks. Whatever. This would be the worst thing foisted on us since bell-bottom jeans, and if the Universe thinks it can get away with it - well - I'm saving up my Purell hand soap for one last hearty, lathery fling. If the Fates cancel the season - I mean, scuttling an obvious Yankee world championship - ooooh, they're gonna get it! 

I know what you're thinking... Duque, for God's sake, keep your big fat yap shut. You don't jabber about the jail break before the jail break. But this is supposed to be our fucking year. Sports Illustrated - what's left of it, anyway - recently picked the Yankees to win it all. And why wouldn't they? Look at that lineup: LeMahieu, Judge, Torres, Stanton, Andujar, Voit, Sanchez, Urshela, Gardner. With a little luck, it could be the best Yankee batting order in our lifetimes. I count seven guys who could hit 30 HRs. And now, we face the possibility that 2020 will be scrapped - the worst season in Yankee history - even worse than when we traded Al Leiter for Jesse Barfield, and I gotta tell you, that was pretty awful. 

A complete wipe-out? What are we supposed to do, starting hyping 2021? No. I refuse. Listen-up, Fates... you pull the rug on this season, and I'm coming for you. 

13 comments:

Local Bargain Jerk said...


I'll have re-read Gravity's Rainbow to the point of understanding 20 percent of it.

And you'll be 17% ahead of me...

Anonymous said...

MY PROBLEM IS IF WE PLAY A SHORTENED HALF-SEASON -(SAY 100 GAMES)...

IF WE SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO WIN IT ALL...

WON'T IT BE LOOKED DOWN UPON AS A "LARK" OF A SEASON?

I CAN HEAR THE MET AND RED SOX FANS NOW, "OH, THE 2020 SEASON DOESN'T REALLY COUNT. IT WAS JUST A HALF SEASON. YOU WON THE MOST GAMES FOR HALF A SEASON, BIG DEAL. PLUS YOU BOUGHT THE HALF SEASON CHAMPIONSHIP."

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS IT'S MOSTLY MENTAL.

MR. DUQUE IS PROBABLY RIGHT, IT'S REALLY ALL ABOUT THE PARADE.

FUCK 'EM.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


WON'T IT BE LOOKED DOWN UPON AS A "LARK" OF A SEASON?

It would count no less than a Series win in any strike-shortened season.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Here's what just occurred to me:

Plus: For any of the injured players, the stoppage gives them that much extra time to heal (Judge, Montgomery, etc.).

Minus: For the bonehead still serving a suspension that requires him to miss a specific number of games vs. some number of calendar days -- i.e., German -- well, there's a good chance he'll miss the entirety of whatever remains of the 2020 season. And, if it's somehow canceled, he'll still miss the first 60 games of the 2021 season.



P.S. Please note I didn't include Stanton on the list of injured players whose healing process would benefit from extra time. I'm thinking Gian-fragile-o's healing process will be suspended indefinitely, in the most Ellsburian way possible.

TheWinWarblist said...

Now I have to read Gravity's Rainbow.

JM said...

Stanton = post-steroid Giambi

JM said...

I was never even tempted to read Gravity's Rainbow. If a guy can't tell a story in 500 pages or less, he doesn't know what he's doing.

Carl J. Weitz said...

I would think MLB would have to reconsider German's suspension and lower the amount of games banned to games played and calendar year combination because playing either a half or no season would put an undue hardship on his career. He hasn't pitched since last August.

Anonymous said...

A few things...

Gravity's Rainbow: Read the Crying of Lot 49 instead. Just as confusing much much shorter.

The thing about Pynchon is any page should be looked at like a painting or other fine art. Stare at it for a while and then leave the thing and go have a drink.

JM 500 pages: Lord of the Rings.

The season's potential ending with out being played:

I will be re-playing the 1998 season on my PlayStation 2. I made some good trades and built some guys from scratch as well as bringing back some guys from the dead.

The current line up is

1) Me 1B
2) My son 2B
3) Some Guy named DiMaggio (CF)
4) Babe Ruth (RF)
5) A-Rod (3B)
6) Yogi (C)
7) Mickey Mantle (LF)
8) Don Mattingly (DH)
9) Jeter

I likes our chances.

Doug K.

ranger_lp said...

This helps all the Yankees except Stanton. If he sneezes, he'll pull something and be on the EL for additional weeks.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I agree about "Gravity's Rainbow," Doug K. It's not the length, it's the impenetrable prose.

To quote the late, great E.B. White on "Ulysses": It takes more than genius to keep me reading a book.

As for the "lark of a season," we can just consider it the proper and just ending of our triumphant march through the never-completed 1994 season.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And actually, for this Yankees team, a half-season that starts around June sounds just right.

No way Paxton can pitch a whole year. No way Judge can stay off the DL a whole year.

Remember the last time the Knicks actually got to the NBA Final (no, really, it HAS happened)? It was the NBA's last strike-shortened season.

Short and sweet and reet petite (as Jackie Wilson said).

Anonymous said...

Crissy Sale, Tommy John