'51 Yanks solve Mariano, take 2-1 lead over '98ers in G.O.A.T. World Series

"Suzyn, this is about missed opportunities..."
Pauly's baserunning blunder...
Superchief wobbly in fifth...
Did Torre bring in Mo too early?
Gil McDougald... G.O.A.T. MVP?
Knobby's drive falls short; it's a small ball series!
Next up: Eddie Lopat v Orlando Hernandez
THE JUNKMAN V EL DUQUE

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Apparently, Trump called A-Rod to talk about the coronavirus

The most definitive proof yet that our reality is, in fact, a computer simulation based on stories in The Onion: 

ABC News says President Trump this week reached out to the renowned epidemiologist, Dr. Alex Rodriguez, to discuss our nation's response to the coronavirus. Says today's Daily News...

The retired Yankees superstar, business mogul, and high school graduate was reportedly recruited by President Trump earlier this week for his thoughts on coronavirus, according to ABC News’ John Santucci and Katherine Faulders.

Okay, for those of you scoring at home... We've got thousands dead, a mad scramble for ventilators, millions out of work, a traumatized health system, a nation confined to homes... and Trump calls A-Rod to gobblegobblegobble about - what? - the National Defense Production Act? The legendary centaur painting supposedly hanging over A-Rod's bed? The run on everyday supplies that non-celebrities face? (Says a friend: America elected a President so full of shit that the nation nearly ran out of toilet paper.) I mean, could this get nuttier? Wait... why do I ask? We're talking about Trump here. Of course it could!

A-Rod’s fiancee, Jennifer Lopez, was also in on the call...

Yes, of course, yes! Imagine the inanity of that conversation. Did they give him their best, unbridled lick-spittle? Did they gush? Did they coo? O, sir, what an honor! O, how do you find the time? Actually, we do have suggestions - Jennifer has drawn up schematics for a new surgical mask, and I'm nearly finished on a vaccine... 

I've always believed that toads must worship frogs. 

This has to be up there with the moment that Elvis showed Nixon his FBI secret agent decoder ring. 

I must note that Trump called the report "fake news," his term for any news story that casts him in less than a Fox News/emissary-from-God, golden light. My guess is that Trump called to grub for money. He will recruit anybody - celebrity, dictator, or war criminal - that might help him get re-elected (and, yes, in that regard, he's no different than any other politician.)  

Trump’s call was part of his continued outreach across the country on handling the virus, which has broadened its scope to business leaders and apparently, retired baseball players... 

It will be interesting to see if A-Rod and J-Lo climb aboard the Trump Train. A-Rod seems the type who wants to be loved by everyone. His tryst with J-Lo was a destiny conceived in either heaven or hell... I've never figured out which. 

Sources close to Rodriguez described the call between the three-time MVP and 45th President to ABC as “pleasant.”

I hope somebody recorded the call. Historians will want it for the national archives. A ton of shit is about to fall from the skies. But who cares? We're just a simulation in The Onion and, really, we ought to learn to laugh: It's pretty damn hilarious. 

7 comments:

JimmyEatsHotDogs said...

My advice to A-rod ..... stay far away from this guy as possible and believe me 6ft. isn't nearly enough. He is like a nuclear mine field; radioactive and toxic. Trump uses people and he will gladly use you to further his own personal interests. Stay far, far away!

Carl J. Weitz said...

My favorite line is "The president is so full of shit that the country ran out of toilet paper". I am going to borrow that.

Here is a perfect example of his prevarication:

He lied again yesterday during his press conference. Nothing new there. Nor was the way he lied. Whenever he wants to back up a fake claim it's always via anecdotes of friends....fake ones, of course. In order to minimize the severity of the virus he ad-libbed " I have a friend....actually two friends that had the virus. They didn't even know they had the virus because it was so mild...they were asymptomatic. They didn't even have to go to the doctor". Really? If they were asymptomatic why did they claim to have the virus and if they didn't go to the doctor for an exam or a test how would they know they had it? Well, the answers are easy: Trump is a lying sack of shit and has no such friends. He is s prolific liar but a bad one at that. Yet his minions are way too stupid to notice. Or they don't care. Mind- boggling in either case.

Sorry...tough to not be political when the Nectarine Nero is about to encourage the lifting of social distance and shelter in place and thereby enabling the virus to spread rapidly across the country.

TheWinWarblist said...

We haven't broken into the Polish toilet paper 8 pack yet. Still have a couple of rolls of Charmin left ...




Fuck Trump. His inaction has doomed thousands, tens of thousands to death.

TheWinWarblist said...

Bitty, I kinda lost you their a little, but it got me to google Pauline Hickey so it's all good. Now excuse me, I need a few moments of private time.

13bit said...

Please tell me this story is from The Onion, Duque. Please.

Winnie, been busy busy busy

David in Cal said...

El Duque -- almost everything in this article is out of your imagination. Stick to baseball.

Anonymous said...

David in Cal, it's apparent that YOU do not have a good imagination; I am sorry for your lack, Sir. I would wager that the great majority of those who read this blog, myself included, are very appreciative of duque's stellar imagination.

Must be difficult, living out their on the left coast, among all those millions of lefties. I feel sorry for your trauma - - however, since we ARE lefties, we love you anyway...but stick to 4-chan, why don'cha?? LB (No J)