Thursday, March 5, 2020

What to store in case of quarantine...

Everyone is getting nervous.

It is even possible that no one will show up at the Knicks game....including the tourists from Latvia who bought Spike Lee's seats for $12.40 ( tax incl)....due to coronavirus fears.

I thought I would prepare a safety list for members of this blog, which will supplement their supplies of hand soap, ibuprofen, and kleenex.... in the event one has to watch sports on tv for up to two weeks, without a break.

1.  Slim Jims - I recommend the " value pack " which provides a clean two dozen, extra long sticks. It is better to go spicy here than not.

2.  Crown Royal - you are going to need four quarts (best price:  Costco ).  Drink it neat.

3.  Lemons and Limes- get a baseball glove full.

4.  Herradura Añejo "gold" tequila ( get the six pack ) --- shots with vitamin C-packed lime wedges will do wonders.

5.  Three cases Coors ( or, your choice ).  Mix liberally with the tequila shots.

6.  4 super packs of pre-rolled joints ( legal states only ) " Lemonade Haze"  is a personal favorite... I think it has vitamin C.

7.  2 Gallon tub of caramel, kettle corn.  Do not share.  Fingers can pass along germs.

8.  1 Gallon tub of bazooka bubble gum ( these are individually wrapped, so sharing is encouraged ).

9.  Chocolate chip mint ice cream & caramel with sea salt ice cream. You may want to supplement this with fudge covered brownies and/or a six layer chocolate cake with toasted marshmallow filling.

10.  Halloween fun pack ( candies for ten nights ).  Freeze them, then eat them.

11.  Frozen meat ball heros.  After heating in the micro-wave, douse with Louisiana hot sauce.  I recommend one hero per day, best consumed in the early morning hours.

If, after two weeks, you still show signs of the virus, take two ibuprofen and order a pizza.

Good luck and good health.


Dandy Prof said...

Reminds me of Renton's regimen for quitting dope in Trainspotting.

DickAllen said...

If the corona virus doesn’t kill me, this remedy will.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

I followed this regimen religiously for most of my twenties so I'll assume I'm immune to Covid-19.

Since I probably need a booster shot, however, I'll go buy a box of cigars and some brandy.

There.  I feel better already.

TheWinWarblist said...

Herradura Añejo "gold" tequila, you say? My favorite! Make it with the Herradura Añejo; skip the sugar garnish.

Fuck the pandemic.

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