DEAR NEW YORK TABLOIDS

BOYCOTT MLB ON YOUR BACK PAGES UNTIL THE LOCKOUT ENDS!

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Reader Poll

Which body part will Stanton injure once his left calf ( grade 1 ) strain is healed?



To help you choose, I have provided a handy visual reference:




Vegas says " right calf strain" odds at 7-1.

Big toe stub: 14-1.

Knee damage: 22-1.

Mysterious shoulder ailment : 2-1 ( contagious amongst large specimens ).

Reproductive failure: 4-1

Brain freeze : 0-0.

Have fun.  Make up your own.

Editors note : Pool will close the day Giancarlo starts jogging in the OF. and has his glove sent
from Tampa to NYC.









18 comments:

Platoni said...

My choice? ALL OF THEM, KATIE!

13bit said...

He's going to first tweak something in a leg, one of those overworked legs. Then, he'll have to go on painkillers for a few weeks. This will lead to extreme constipation. He'll then eat a huge meal, ditching his bodybuilding plan for just a night. He will unable to excrete this in a normal way once it has rounded the bases of his G.I. system, so he'll squat above the toilet and contort himelf, squeeze mightily, then scream at the same time. He will NOT succeed in passing the massive stool, but he will injure his "core" and his sphincter so badly that he'll be out until 2021, mid-season. While he is going through the extended convalescence and waiting for his asshole to heal, he'll get involved with a woman. She will - unbeknownst to him - give him a host of social diseases. He will spend most of 2021 and all of 2022 dealing with that stuff. At that point, we'll only have him for, what, another nine years?

celerino sanchez said...

Johnny Boychuk, who took a skate to the face and had 90 stitches will play again before Stanton does

13bit said...

Babe Ruth's corpse will play again before Stanton does. What's the opposite of "Iron Mike?"

ranger_lp said...

"Now Giancarlo, where exactly did he touch you...can you show me on this diagram?"

Anonymous said...

@ celerino sanchez Hockey players are the toughest athletes.

I think Stanton's next injury will be a strained hamstring. He'll miss 2 1/2 months. You heard it hear first!

The Hammer of God

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

This guy must a hell of a kinky sex life because none of his injuries are caused by playing baseball.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Bitty, I think it should be "Paper Mike."

Personally, I'm going with the ever-popular groin pull, followed "tendon sheath" (always popular with juicers), and then the new favorite, "core injuries."

Celerino Sanchez said...


Here were my predictions from 2.21

February 21, 2020 at 12:10 PM

Celerino Sanchez said...
Here are predictions for the season
1)In March Stanton will tweak a hamstring, should be ready for opening day. July 27th - Stanton returns from his tweaked hamstring. Aug 1 - Stanton tweaks an Oblique. Sept 22 - Stanton done for the season, but has high hopes for the 2021 season.
April 30th, it is determined that Severino needs TJ surgery. Cashman says he will be back in 2022, better than ever.
May 7th - Tanaka needs TJ surgery, Cashman thanks the heavens for not trading Luis Cessa
May 8th - Garcia needs TJ
May30th - Judge Tweaks an Oblique
Aug 1 - Judge returns
Aug 5 - Judge tweaks a Hamstring
Sept 29th - Yankees vs the Twins in WC game. Chapman gives up GW HR in the bottom of the ninth. Cashman thinks the Twins were cheating

13bit said...

Where is Winnie to weigh in on the medical stuff? We need some real knowledge here - although my impacted-bowl theory is based on hard science...

DickAllen said...


During a routine visit to his gynecologist just before Mother's Day, Stanton discovers he has a yeast infection and is sidelined for six weeks.

At his follow up exam, a routine mammogram reveals breast cancer and after a successful chemo treatment, he elects reconstructive surgery which keeps him out for the remainder of the year.

Aaron Judge sympathizes.

Anonymous said...

SOME "QUAD" BULLSHIT.

Anonymous said...

January headline - Giancarlo bulks up by bench pressing Adriana Lima - At least we have that going for us.

TheWinWarblist said...

I have been on call for like 10 straight days and I've had a three day skull cracking headache and I have volcanic reflux from sriracha.

Stanton's left nut will spontaneously combust. Bet the farm on it.

JimmyEatsHotDogs said...

I like the left nut injury............. Perfect!

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