Friday, April 2, 2021

Y'know it's like...

You wait all year, survive a pandemic, carve out a small piece of your ex-wife's house to watch a ball game in peace, find an almost new Lazy Boy at a garage sale for $20 (having gotten rid of all your furniture to be unencumbered as you roam the world), settle in with 3/4 lb. of Augie's Montreal Smoked Meat (a Berkeley made pastrami like product - that's pretty damn good by West Coast standards), a box of matzah,  and a Maker's Mark Cask Strength bourbon on the rocks to watch Gerrit Cole...

(As good a pitcher as there is - and reminiscent of Catfish Hunter as in, get to him early or not at all.)

And, by the end of the game, you end up questioning every life decision you ever made.

Learn to play the piano for three hours a day or watch the Yankees? Become fluent in Spanish (Which would have been helpful while doing the world roaming thing.) or spend that time watching Stanton “Flail and fail”?

(Hat tip to Clyde Frazier’s announcing rhythm – I’ve been watching the Knicks instead of working in a lab trying to cure cancer. Their last game against the Timberwolves left me “unsated and deflated”.)

Yesterday’s Yankee game was sweaters and socks on Christmas morning.

They knew what we wanted…

Dear Hal,

All we want this year is for the Yankees to score runs on base hits, sac flies, man on second less than two outs kind of stuff.  

Doug

Instead, they gave us beat up pair of old O-fers.

At least they don’t play today. Maybe I’ll read Infinite Jest, or mow the lawn, or apply to law school... unless the Knicks are on.

7 comments:

HoraceClarke66 said...

Very funny, Doug K.!

And while I will abide by our Peerless Leader's admonition not to get on anybody's day at the plate—against a platoon of amazing arms—WTF was Judge doing in right, on the game-losing hit? When I saw the replay I thought at first that must be Frazier out there.

JM said...

With this punkass, T-ball rule about starting with a guy on second, I'm counting any extra inning game as a tie. So for me, we're 0-0-1.

And Doug, however you spend the extra time, I warn you off the "comic masterpiece" "The Confederacy of Dunces." I forced myself through it some years back because it was one of those books I was "supposed" to read. It annoyed me to no end.

JM said...

Almost forgot. Since it is Good Friday, one of my favorite old jokes:

Jesus walks into a motel, throws three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

(Rim shot.)

I saw on Twitter last week that a new poll showed that a majority of Americans don't go to church or synagogue or whatever. In other news, sales of rabbits' feet and shamrocks have also fallen off.

OK, OK, sorry for being offensive to the believers in our midst...

HoraceClarke66 said...

I'm surprised, JM. I thought it was hilarious. But it has been a long time since I read it.

Gee, the Yankees are so exciting that we're discussing 40-year-old novels!

Anonymous said...

@JM Unfortunately, it certainly looks like the vast majority of Americans no longer attend any house of worship. I'm sure they don't read the Good Book either. People have no fear of God or hell or anything. We're heading toward a dystopia that those novels like Brave New World or 1984 warned about.

The Hammer of God

Anonymous said...

@Hoss, the Yankees are so exciting we're discussing 80 year old novels!

The Hammer of God

HoraceClarke66 said...

Amen, Hammer, amen.