Saturday, October 18, 2008

Lipstick on the Pig Dept: If the Rays lose, they'll replace '04 Yanks as Greatest Chokers in History

DISCLAIMER: For those still suffering from the affliction known as "Yankee '04 PTSD," the following post may cause headaches, infuriation and -- in the case of ARod supporters -- divorce.

FIRST, let's agree that it hurts to remember the -- umm -- you know -- that team -- the '04 Yankees -- the tradition of which still resurfaces occasionally with runners in scoring position and less than two outs.

The players still among us from that despicable assembly of choke-prone DNA are:Jason, Arod, Jeet, Jorge, Mariano, Matsui and Mussina.

If you have the benefit of a blocked memory, here's what happened: The bums led Boston 3-0 before
squandering 75 years of Yankee pride in less time than it took America to win the 1990 Gulf War.

(NOTE: On the 40-man roster was Dioneer Navarro, who -- if the Rays now lose -- ought to reconsider his career in life and just go town-to-town as a traveling trivia question.)

(SECONDARY NOTE: Of course, we love Jeet, Jorge, Hideki and Mariano -- how can anybody say a bad word about our Mount Rushmore faces? -- but if there is the 7-year statute of limitations on great post-season moments, it just ran out.)

Anyway, if the Tampa Bay Rays lose the next two, fuckum.

REPEATING FOR THE BLIND: Fuckum, fuckum, fuckum, fuckum, fuckum.

As rancid as '04 was, at least we weren't up by 7 runs with 7 outs on the toteboard.
They're the new worst chokers (since the Spanish Armada, still No. 1.)

Hey, is this progress or what!


Anonymous said...

Nope. Sorry el duque, the '04 Yankees still take the cake for Greatest Chokejob in History. 3-0 series lead, up 4-3 with the biggest postseason closer in history with 3 outs to go...then to lose 3 more, including the final 2 at the Cathedral that WAS Yankee Stadium. Try to use the Rays as a smokescreen, but it still reeks of the 2004 collapse.

The Yankees choked like no team has ever choked before. That chokejob gave the Red Sox life in '04, then hope in '07 vs Indians and now entitlement in '08 vs the Quad A Rays.

Anonymous said...

I agree with andy. The Yanks may have had a slimmer lead in the games that could have closed out that series, but they had Rivera on the mound. That normally equals a 7 run lead or better for a far inferior bullpen. The only ways to truly block out the events of '04 are to either win a bunch of World Series and keep Boston out for a long time again...or else a whole lot of rum, everyday.

adam said...

Statistically (sorry, bud), el duque is right. The Sox had less than a 1% chance of coming back in that game, and then even if they are 50/50 in the next two games (not true), it's something like .3% or less chance that they win the series at that point in the game last night.

Even down a run with the greatest postseason closer.. err.. greatest closer ever they were never anywhere near that level of dead. Yeah, it was four games and not three, but a 7-0 lead in a deciding Game 5 doesn't trump that? I say bullshit, sirs.

Anonymous said...

As a doctor of psychoanalysis, I am preparing a (comedic) thesis paper for the board of directors at the University I work for called:


I was amazed and delighted when I read this today. Let me be the first to tell el duque that he is 100% correct, there is a disorder that not only affects the Yankees fans, BUT THE TEAM THEMSELVES.

I will post/email highlights from my thesis paper, very soon.

Love the Blog, gentlemen.

We will rise again