Sunday, October 19, 2008

Blasphemy: Why We Should Grit Our Teeth and Root for the Redsocks

1. Humiliation. Let it rain. Let condemnation soak the hubris-laden fools who got us here: Hank, Cash, Joe the Plumber, Arod... all of them. Let them feel the heat. With the Redsocks winning two in a row, they can watch a championship team and think about what it takes to be one.

2. Break up the Rays. Tampa has one long-term chance -- winning the World Series -- to cause a spike in attendance, which would allow them to keep their young stars and not become the Marlins. But to lose -- especially in such a hauntng, pants-soiling manner -- ahhgh, they'll go back to playing in front of 12,000. Which means we sign their free agents. (NOTE: This could backfire. They might be a team like Arizona, which will trade players anywhere but to the Yankees, unless it's a flat-out steal. Tampa does hate the Yankees. This could go either way.)

3. Our cause. If Boston runs the table again, the world will know that only one team can stop them in the future. Us. It will be up to us.

4. The Variteks. If Boston wins, Theo must re-sign their catcher. The fanbase would not allow them to do the smart thing, which would be to let him go. He'll demand a three-year contract, and they'll have to bite. Winning the championship will keep them from retooling. If they lose, who knows, they might sign CC Sabathia. Or Ivan Rodriguez, either way.

5. Hubris. "It wasn't them planes that killed the beast. It was beauty that killed the beast." That's not just the theme of King Kong. It's the theme of the New York Yankees. We got to thinking that we were beautiful, and we could do anything. I'm not sure we've gotten over our self-infatuation yet, but watching our greatest enemies pleasure themselves at our expense ought to do something. And in the meantime, maybe they'll start thinking that everybody who puts on a Redsock uniform will turn into a champion. As soon as that happens, a tipping point will be reached.

But let's be clear about this: This is all LIPSTICK ON THE PIG. This is turning into one of the lowest points in Yankee history. WE ARE IN A DEPRESSION. And it might just be a long, dark, brutal one.

Hell, maybe Paul Krugman should write sports.

PS: Note that I didn't give any bullshit line about American League pride or anything like that. Don't let anybody tell a Yankee fan that we're supposed to be proud that the Redsocks won, because it uplifts the American League. Never. Never. Never. That's REAL blasphemy.


BernBabyBern said...

Sorry, El Duque.

Just can't.

We are all Rays fans now.

And next week, no matter what happens, we will all be Phillies fans.

Anonymous said...

Please seek help immediately.

Root for the redsocks? Maybe against al Quaida.

That's about it, numbnuts.