Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The More Things Change........

A few parallel events are converging to form a likely pathway for the soon-to-be "off season:"

OLD SCHOOL HEADLINE : Ted Stevens, the 84 year old Senator from Alaska who was recently convicted on 5 counts of stealing from the taxpayers and violating a number of laws ( sometimes referred to as felonies) in the process, is free on bail and intends to run again for the US Senate, thereby retaining his seat in Washington, DC.

NEW SCHOOL HEADLINE: Ted Stevens, recently convicted on five counts of felony, had all of his assets, and those of his family, frozen by the Government and returned to the taxpayers. The 84 year old maverick was escorted in handcuffs to a maximum security facility in Nome, where he will share a cell for the next 35 years with a snake-tatooed biker named "Lucy."

OLD SCHOOL HEADLINE: The Yankees responded today to their 3rd place finish by signing; CC Sabathia for 14 years and $250 million ( with incentive clauses ), first baseman Texiera for a guaranteed $30 million per year for 10 seasons ( Tex gets another 3 years in options, at his discretion ) and, in a surprise move, re-signed Kevin Brown for a "low ball" of $19 million per year for 3 years. Hank Steinbrenner commented that he visited Kevin out in LA, and found him to be in great shape, swimming laps in his oval shaped pool.

NEW SCHOOL HEADLINE: Today, the Yankees traded Giambi, Abreu, Posada, Pettitte, Mussina and Alex ( Madonna ) Rod in a seven team deal for top-rated AA and AAA prospects, along with what was described as a " boat-load " of number one draft picks for the next several seasons.

REALITY: Ted Stevens was re-elected to the US Senate yesterday and welcomed with open-arms by his fellow Republicans. He was given a citation for successfully ignoring and alluding the laws which apply to certain members of the "American People." Taxpayers will carry the burden of paying the life-time health care and pension benefits to his extended family ( est. 240 individuals and dogs ), which are a "perk" of the Senate ( a reward for the burdens of office ). The cost, while not meaningful as a percentage of GDP, does project to $6.3 million per year, for an actuarially estimated lifespan of family members of 66 more years.

REALITY: The Yankees , today, outbid the Boston Red Sox and NY Mets by $180 million, to secure a 16 year contract with CC Sabathia for a whopping $430 million. The rotund lefty will meet with the media in a teleconference later this week, from his vacation home in Dubai, where Andy Brackman ( recovering from arm surgery ) is his pool man. Texiera chose to stay where he is, as did everyone else the Yankee's wanted.

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