Monday, October 6, 2008

Open Letter to All You Classy Redsock Fans Out There

Dear Madams or Sirs,

Normally, we don't allow personal opinions on this site. Intellectual self-pleasurement only undermines the empirical analysis of fact, which comprises our currency.

Please forgive this exception.

I pray that you shall comport yourself in a dignified manner above that of Metfans.

Recently, I found myself in an isolated coven of Metfans, as they watched their heros lose to the Florida Marlins, their season collapsing into the kind of morbid chaos normally associated with a George Romero movie.

As this happened, no one -- absolutely no one -- could have been more kind and understanding than I.

Yet they berated and verbally attacked me.

Yes, I must stress something here. No mockery or loose comment once flew from my lips that day, and yet they addressed me with contempt, baring their teeth at times like rabid, vicious animals.

To me, a longtime friend and confidante, they grew beastial.

"You people have nothing to be ashamed of," I reminded them, courteously. "You've had a great season."

Their eyes turned red, and for a few moments, I knew them capable of violence.

"You're in a fine position for next year," I said. "You have a solid team, and I'll bet the sportswriters, come spring, will be predicting great things."

It ended when I attempted to tell an anecdote of my favorite all-time Met, Lastings Millage. I was ushered outside.

THEREFORE... I say to Redsock fans now that we -- your beloved Yankee rivals -- understand how difficult it must have been last night to watch your team load the bases with one out, with a first round sweep in your grasp... only to have it slip away.

On behalf of Yank fans everywhere, I hope you will accept our help, our counseling, and our foremost good wishes for your success.
Of course, you have nothing to worry about. You will win the World Series. Everybody knows it. No team is as good as yours.

But if something does happen, know that Yank fans stand ready at your side, waiting to "boost" you up.
We'll be there for you.

And heck, if something goes wrong, you'll be in a great position to come back strong next year. All the sportswriters will say so.

1 comment:

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