Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Trial of Joba Chamberlain

Court is now in session.

Thank you, your honor. I'd like to call to the stand the defendant, Mr. Joba Chamberlain.

Very well. State your name.

Justin Louis Heath Chamberlain.

OK, uhm, Justin, I want you to tell the court: What is your career earned run average thus far?


And what is your won-loss record?

Six and three.

In other words, you've won twice as many games as you've lost. Am I correct?


You may step down. You're free to go. Your honor, I move that the charges against my client be dealt with under terms of the 2002 Sidney Ponson Act, which state that with a talented pitcher, nothing else matters. And let me add that, hell, your honor, we have nobody else. We're not going to sign C.C. Sabathia. He's Hollywood and Vine. If we get that Burnett guy from Toronto, everybody knows he's the next Pavano. Therefore, I move that we take the normal procedures and punish this man accordingly.

Agreed. Mr. Chamberlain, hold out your wrist. Baliff, render the slap. Court adjourned. Joba, will you sign the docket sheet for my son?


Anonymous said...

As a doctor of psychoanalysis, I am preparing a (comedic) thesis paper for the board of directors at the University I work for called:


I was amazed and delighted when I read this today. Let me be the first to tell el duque that he is 100% correct, there is a disorder that not only affects the Yankees fans, BUT THE TEAM THEMSELVES.

I will post/email highlights from my thesis paper, very soon.

Love the Blog, gentlemen.

We will rise again

Anonymous said...

I also have my law degree and am licensed to practice in Maine, NH, Mass, NY and NJ.

Seeing as that I also still have all my teeth and drink a lot, I imagine I could get licensed in Nebraska with little issue.

I'll rep Joba...