HEAR ME, MR. PENCE: PUT THIS YANKEE TEAM UNDER LOCKDOWN QUARANTINE!

And so we sit on the warming griddle, and wait...

Two weeks ago, every Yankee fan in captivity eyed a 2020 version of Murderer's Row, with an outfield framed by MVP candidates, a batting order without an easy out, and a stream of talent backed-up to Scranton, if not Trenton. We foresaw 110 wins and a ride down the Canyon of Heroes. Two weeks ago. 

Today, the Yankees are touting a 27-year-old utility wrench with a career batting average of .225. Last year, in 63 games for the Marlins, Rosell Herrera hit .200 with 2 HRs and 4 stolen bases.  

But but BUT... he went 3-for-3 yesterday, and so our nation turns is lonely eyes to - gulp - Rosell Herrera. He's "opened some eyes," Aaron Boone said yesterday.

Okay, deep breath, everybody. Before this becomes a panic stroke, let's settle down with a hot pad and glass of Mr. Beam. The sky isn't falling. But those angels on horseback look a bit angrier than we want. 

Today, if I ran the CDC, I would put the Yankees under lock-down quarantine - double-secret probation - and not let them come in contact with any other sports team, aside from the Knicks, because - well - the Knicks...

Clearly, the Yankees have contracted the dreaded Ells-Bird flu virus. If allowed to spread, it will go through MLB clubhouses faster than the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Can you imagine every team losing its stars to mystery pains, even in their man-boobs? This virus is an existential threat to baseball's economy. And thus, we today are contemplating - insert fart here - Rosell Herrera. 

Okay, let's step back from the cliff. Basically, today's write-ups of Rosell Herrera are merely a great Gammonite tradition: The hustling journeyman who came to camp, rarin'-to-go and ready to rumble! This fits last year's Yankee narrative, when the team found gold teeth in the slag furnace (Urshela, Maybin, Tauchman.) Herrera gives hope for another breakout. He is 7-for-14 this spring. Also, he's a switch hitter. Who doesn't love a veteran's resurrection?

But but BUT... Herrera has one path to an opening day slot, and it involves the Ells-Bird flu. 

Without another key Yankee injury, Herrera should spend April in Scranton. (A caveat: If his contract has an opt-out clause, the Yankees might keep him over Tyler Wade and/or Thairo Estrada, who might have options.) But right now, even without Giancarlo Stanton or Aaron Judge, the outfield still looks jammed-up with talent. (For whatever it's worth: neither Clint Frazier nor Miguel Andujar played in yesterday's blowout loss.) 

Today, Judge goes in for the same dye test MRI that disclosed Luis Severino's partial tear, which sidelined him for the year. As with Sevy, previous MRIs didn't show anything. (I'm wondering, why bother with the other tests?) Keep fingers crossed, put the Luger back under the bed, and don't go near the black sinkhole that formed mysteriously last week. Who across the Yankiverse does NOT expect bad news? Considering the last 12 months, who does NOT foresee Cooperstown Cashman announcing tomorrow that Judge needs surgery, and he hopes to be back in August! 

From that moment on, we will be a tweak away from Rosell Herrera. Shades of Shane Robinson. HEAR ME, MR. PENCE, PUT THIS TEAM UNDER QUARANTINE! We've had enough of this flu.