It had no toilet paper.
On that note, let us return to the critical business of America: blathering about the New York effing Yankees.
Right now, somewhere within the MLB bureaucracy - working from his/her bedroom, I suspect - some clinically obese hipster-nerd is crunching the 2020 baseball schedule. My guess - hey, it's as good as anyone's - is that March and April will simply vanish like a truckload of Charmin two-ply, and time will be relaunched at a new opening day. The season will shrink, but it cannot be extended into November, because nobody hits in snow.
Unless the Tom Hanks Virus - (I'm paying tribute here, along the lines of "Lou Gehrig's Disease") - turns us all into Mad Max in Thunder Road, I believe the Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 will end, and the owners will soon sniff the money that is being burned. That means they will start playing real games in empty parks, perhaps in Florida and Arizona, catering to the most captive TV audience in history.
Much has been said about the Yankees' unanimous team decision to continue practices in Tampa. I believe the players are sending the owners a message: They can play the games, and TV revenues will not be lost. In fact, games could be played in far-flung, exotic, made-for-TV venues, such as the famous "Field of Dreams" or that woods-shrouded sandlot near your home. It's all about logistics, folks. It can happen, if we want it.
But let's say the first two weeks of the 2020 season go the way of President Mike Bloomberg. If so, that could heal Giancarlo Stanton and Gary Sanchez, but not Aaron Judge and James Paxton. (Once again, the fates will have pissed on Red Thunder, aka Clint Frazier, though at least he won't have to return to Scranton.)
If the first two weeks of the regular season disappear, the Yankees will lose:
3 games at Baltimore
3 at Tampa
3 at home against Toronto
4 at home against Baltimore
3 at Oakland
3 at Texas
3 at Oakland
3 at Texas
The Yankees will miss seven games against their favorite tomato can, the perpetually rebuilding O's. They'll also lose miss three at home against Toronto, which gives the Jays a home field advantage for the season. Meanwhile, the Rays - our biggest threat - will miss three against Boston and three against Houston, tough opponents.
If the virus wipes out the whole month of April, the Yankees will lose:
3 at home against Cincinnati
4 in Detroit
3 at home against Cleveland
3 at home against Detroit
4 in Detroit
3 at home against Cleveland
3 at home against Detroit
They miss seven games against the Tigers, another patsy. Tampa, on the other hand, misses a rough, four-game series in Houston.
If the season starts May 1, the Yankees will miss 14 games against Baltimore/Detroit, and Tampa will excise 10 against Boston/Houston.
So... the Yankees have a solid reason to stay in Tampa. If they - and the rest of baseball - are going to self-quarantine, they might as well play the games. (Plus, wouldn't it be galling for Tampa to have to play an away game at George Steinbrenner Field?)
Play ball, dammit. And you groceries: Show a little respect, and stock your restrooms!
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23 comments:
This may go on a lot longer than a month and it may be far worse than we can currently imagine. Just to throw it out there, they may have to cancel the whole season, the first time in over 10 years that I thought we really could have a chance, even though that hunch is based on nothing.
This will go on for the remainder of the calendar year. Please be safe everyone. Send your black suit to the cleaners now. There are going to be a lot of funerals this year.
This is going to be a once in a century or lifetime event. Filled with grief and loss. The empty winds will have ample work this year.
TORONTO.
THEY SCARE ME.
VLAD JR,. BIGGIO'S KID, AND BO BICHETTE LOOK LIKE DYNAMITE.
I DON'T KNOW WHO WILL PITCH FOR THEM, BUT THEY ARE GOING TO GIVE US HEADACHES.
VLAD JR. IS A MONSTER.
DON'T SLEEP ON TORONTO.
I BET WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM BEATING THEM.
@Winnie...thanks for your uplifting response...I can always count on you....
Sadly, Winnie is correct and in a position to know.
Let's just hope our brother fans in Boston don't suffer too much before they draw their last breaths.
Will MLB just chop off the first month or two of the schedule and pick up on a given, random day, or will they generate another, more balanced 100 game schedule to start after a brief "spring training?"
I think Man-Freddo will opt for a new, regenerated, balanced schedule. We have these things called computers that can easily create a 100-game, balanced schedule so we won't lose out playing any of our favorite patsies. The MLBPA will see to that. Hopefully.
Like everything else in life, time will tell.
They should count this year as the planned strike year and work out a new collective bargaining agreement. It makes sense. This year is ruined and like before they'll start striking at the end of next year to ruin that year and then they'll probably keep it going into the spring of the following year barring some Federal intervention to break it up. Three years of tainted/ruined baseball...
Sources: Yankees minor leaguer tests positive for coronavirus
A minor league player in the New York Yankees' system has tested positive for coronavirus, sources told ESPN.
He is the first known case in baseball.
The player was isolated Friday morning after saying he was running a fever.
He was only on the minor league side of the team's facility in Tampa, Florida. Still, that distance alone does not necessarily protect those who are nearby from contracting the virus.
https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/28907390/sources-yankees-minor-leaguer-tests-positive-coronavirus
Yeah, the local groceries are doing all right in my part of the forest, but there are empty shelves all over the mega pharmacy chains.
Haven't we heard, for decades now, that big American companies just had to fire people so that they could remain "nimble" and "flexible," able to react quickly to changing market conditions in our beautiful new, globalized economy?
Well, here is the mother of all changing market conditions, and they're not doing diddly-squat.
Could it be...they were just firing people? Gee, what a shock.
I am also surprised that the clerks in the grocery stores and pharmacies remain on duty.
Its like getting drafted into the army in WWI, and put on the front lines your first day.
Who ever imagined a cashier at a grocery store would become a hero?
Governor Cuomo (aka King Andrew) of New York State today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj8UKPDziss
Fuck the toilet paper hoarders!! What the fuck is that about?? How does that fucking help anything!?
If one player has tested positive, then multiple will have tested positive by two weeks from now. 8 day incubation period on average, and everyone is infectious for 2 days on average before having symptoms. Takes 14 days on average to clear the virus and develop immunity.
I'm here for all of you, you magnificent cantankerous degenerates.
Alphonso, I bought a few drinks in my local minimart today. He scanned the cans. I paid with a chip. No physical contact at all.
I'm a physician. I'll go to work until I'm ill, and then go back - hopefully - in 2 weeks. I'm on in the trenches on this one. I signed on for this. So did the pharmacists, perhaps to a lesser degree. But store clerks? Yeah, they are out there too.
"
* 2019 Flu – 22,000 Dead and 36 Million Infected
* 2019 Coronavirus – 50 Dead and 2,340 Infected
"
US numbers.
https://www.cdc.gov/flu/weekly/index.htm
Paranoia strikes deep. Into your soul it will creep.
Anonymous:
I went to the link you posted. There are NO figures located there that match or even remotely resemble the ones you've posted here.
But, to play along, let's assume you haven't pulled these numbers out of thin air and that they are valid:
- 22,000 Dead from "Flu" divided by 36,000,000 Infected equals 0.000611111 deaths for every occurrence of infection.
- 50 Dead from Coronavirus divided by 2,340 Infected equals 0.021367521 deaths for every occurrence of infection (i.e., just over two percent).
Using even your unsourced numbers, it would seem that the Coronavirus is thirty five times more deadly than "Flu".
Please don't waste everyone's time by posting a link to a random government website that does not contain data supporting your thesis. If these numbers are in fact shown on the web page you've posted, please let us know specifically where they are located. So we can all double check the facts.
Paranoia strikes deep, but it's no match for common sense and courtesy.
Thanks for beating me to the punch, LBJ
This particular anonymous is either a Russian troll, a complete jackass, or the official Fox News feed
I have been called worse than that. Not even counting our friend puckered.
Sorry, didn't mean to get everyone all riled. HAL can do that well enough.
https://www.cdc.gov/flu/about/burden/preliminary-in-season-estimates.htm
These are yearly estimates. I am too lazy to get current data, but CDC admits actual cases are higher than predicted.
Don't forget that the 'reported' cases of Covid-19 are likely much lower than actual, since there hasn't been a widely available test method to indicate exactly who has it. So increase that denominator by probably an order of magnitude and voila - not really different than regular flu. One exception is that you might not know you're spreading it if symptoms are not pronounced.
If you're old (like most of us here), you're more likely to die of the good old H1N1 and its derivatives than of the super-happy-fun Wuhan bio-engineered weapon flu. That's the good news. Sort of.
Earth shattering news: universal precautions like, (ahem) hand washing, are a good idea with or without a worldwide panic.
Now back to your regularly scheduled program. Or rain-out theater.
P.S.,
Don't shake hands with anyone. Especially if you know that they are out of toilet paper.
Anon, you a scabrous imbecilic diseased wretch.
This is the best site for info on the corona-virus outbreak.
https://systems.jhu.edu/research/public-health/2019-ncov-map-faqs/
Winnie,
I've still been called worse.
...by puckered.
Plus, I thought my shaking hands recommendation was quite helpful.
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