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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopolis call the Yankee-Redsock game

Welcome to tonight’s game between the Boston Redsocks and the New York Yankees. I’m award-winning anchor Charlie Gibson, and with me is color man, and former Clinton spin doctor George Stephanopolis. George, what are the pitching matchups tonight?

You’re absolutely right, Charlie. It is a travesty. It is shameful. And you have to wonder how they will address this. This have to respond. They have to.

Thanks, George. A key question tonight is Roger Clemens, who pitched last year in a Yankee uniform. Will the Yankees renounce him? Before they can win this game, it seems to me they have to address it.

You’re absolutely right, Charlie. It’s everywhere. It is horrible. They have to address it. They can’t afford to let it control them. Otherwise, this game is over.

Here’s the first batter, Jacoby Ellsbery. He’s a Native American, George. I’m wondering how he feels about the American Indian Movement of the 1970s. Thus far, he has not been questioned. So we put it to him before the game, and he had no answer. He had no answer. Not only that, but he is not wearing a flag lapel pin. A Native American, no lapel pin. Why, as an award winning anchor with a commanding presence -- see how my glasses sit on my nose? it's taken years to get that down -- I've never been so insulted in my life!

You’re absolutely right, Charlie. It is wrong. It is just so wrong. They’ll have to address it. And you know, I was talking with some of the handlers, the back room, you know, to get an idea of how they would spin this game, and a high-level, top-notch, super-powerful inside source told me that the key will be Ted Williams and the way his head was shamefully removed from his body after death, you know, with the freezing process. I broached the subject with several key Redsock handlers, and they know they have to address it, but the question is when?

Do we know who's pitching, George?

Not a clue. And you can talk to the insiders, the guys in the know, and they'll tell you the same thing: They don't know. It's all up for grabs. And that's what makes the game so exciting. Nobody knows.

That's one of the questions we'll be asking our good friend James Carville, the Ragin' Cagin, after the game. I can't wait. Here's the pitch- no? We'll be right back after this message from Walmart.

1 comment:

michael kei said...

What tribe does Coby come from?