Sunday, April 20, 2008

Next Year, Popaholics Can Pray in Better Stadium

Mother Mary! I can't wait for 2009, when the spit-shiny new Yankee Stadium will be pulling in world class acts like the Pope, Mariah Carey and the always-talented American Idol kids, not to mention various ayatolahs, medicine men and dalai lamas.

Once we're finally done with this current piece-of-trash park -- it's painful watching the team in such a substandard facility -- Christ fans can cheer their Pope from the blessings of the special Gold Club Ascension Luxury Boxes ($500-up), where they can compare homilies with friends and watch the Papal replay on a HDTV screen.

And during lulls in the Pope's mass, Super Gold Club Eye-of-the-Needle Boxholders ($10,000-up) can partake of Communion in the Room at the Inn Bread and Wine Bar, sipping drinks served by Pilate, the Clean-Hands Bartender.

Of course, when the Pope goes off on some bender about immigration policy or helping the poor, there's no better time to drift over to the Loaves and Fishes Steakhouse, for a prime rib. By the time they're finished, the geezer will be out of breath, and with a little traditional Greasing of the Palms, they can score a clubhouse chat with The Man.

Will this be heaven? HELL, YES!


Anonymous said...

Thanks, El Duque for the Papal tour.

As a sideline, I have been working with Edwar, down in the South Mexico dirt field league, on the designe for a new " pope on a rope " shower bar soap for all his supplicants.

This design will feature a Yankee uniform and the roman numeral appropriate to his Papacy.

It will, of course, be pure white with a " blouse" flowing to his golden spikes.

You can purchase a soap dish in the shape of the pope mobile for an additional $29.95 and 4 hail Mary's.

Am returning soon to watch the Yankees try to cling to their .500 record.

Keep the faith.

Anonymous said...

Where do they alter boys?