Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Time to Watch our Tongues

Back in 2001, when some TV funnyman dared question George Bush war strategy, eloquent White House press hound and superYankfan Ari "Not Hairy" Fleischer said it best:

"There are reminders to all Americans that they need to watch what they say."

Ari, where art thou?

Because that is the hell of present day Yankeeland:

We are handing the Redsock Nation madrassas easy propaganda victories on their 24-7 hate machine media.

Witness the cackling of today's al Yazeera Globe:

"The (Redsock) strong start is only reinforced by the fact that the Yankees' situation could implode. Already Hank Steinbrenner is talking about Joba Chamberlain and his 100-mile-per-hour fastball being in the rotation and called anyone who didn't see that "an idiot.""

Yes, they're laughing in the Kremlin, using our words against us.

Skeptical comments against our current Yank regime are being audio-looped throughout Boston, used to brainwash their blueshirt youth.

We at IT IS HIGH hereby demand that bloggers, reporters, announcers, politicians and citizens hold their tongues about the dismal -- NO, MAKE THAT "hopeful" -- state of the Yankees.

We call for a Citizen Ministry of Criticism Restraint.

OK, calm down, rights-huggers. Don't get in a Huffington post about free speech.

We're just saying free speech works best when everybody shuts the hell up.

From now on, if you have something to whine about Giambi's bat or Mussina's fastball, keep it to yourself. Beat the dog. Tug on a fire hydrant. Take a pill.

Loose lips cost hits.

With that in mind, we offer non-confrontational information content, designed to elevate the sphere of Yankee intellectual discourse AND NOT GIVE THE REDSOCK NATIONALS PROPAGANDA TOOLS TO BE USED AGAINST US.

SUBJECT: ARod's tweaked quad.

QUESTION: What is the status of ARod's leg?

ANSWER: Here is relevant information.

See? That's how you do it.

You don't go blabbing about ARod's superprego wife. You give out relevant Yankee Citizen Ministry of Criticism Restraint-approved infotoids.

In this time of crisis, let's remember the manfan called Ari and honor him through his most rousing bleacher chant: "No com-ment."


michael kei said...

Hasn't this been going on in Yankeeland since... well maybe since Ruth came over from the dark side?

Wailin' Suzyn said...

You mean the Book of Ruth in the Old Testament?

Baby Ruth candy bars?

My Aunt Ruth from Castleton, NY?

Explain yourself, rook!

michael kei said...

Shoot, I meant my next door neighbor. She sews quilts and takes care of homeless cats.