DEAR NEW YORK TABLOIDS

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

In the movies, Dennis Farina would solve our catching woes

"ESCAPE TO NEW YORK: THE MIKE PIAZZA STORY."
ACT ONE:

Mike becomes a star with the Dodgers and Mets, while always secretly pining for Derek Jeter. He has the pick of the litter, babe-wise. But he's a defensive liability. His life is never complete.

ACT TWO:

Mike is released by the Oakland A's. He goes from card show to card show, fashioning out a meager trade, having his pick of the litter, aging dancer-wise. But something is missing.

ACT THREE:

The phone rings. It's Brian Cashman on the line. "Jorge's hurt," the plucky GM says. "We need you." Mike is stunned. "I'm a defensive liability," he says. "They'll run on me." But he goes to Denzell Washington (played by Oscar Gamble), who teaches him the art of self-control. And then he signs with the Yankees, leads the team to the championship, and wins at last the man of his dreams.