DEAR NEW YORK TABLOIDS

BOYCOTT MLB ON YOUR BACK PAGES UNTIL THE LOCKOUT ENDS!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Yankeetorial: Joba the what?

Open letter to Hank Steinbrenner:

Dear Madam or Sir,

Last night, you told reporters it's time to move Joba Chamberlain into the starting rotation.

This morning, Brian Cashman said no, Joba should stay bullpen-bound.

Well, as the Pope would say, this absolutely, truly, positively sucketh.

We're 20 games in, it's April 21, and you're already off your meds?

How much longer before this becomes the Santana trade we shoulda made?

Listen, Hank, Hank, Hank.... Forget the tabloid back pages. Forget the headline-hunt. Forget stirring the drink. That was your dad's gig. Come up with your own style.

Yeah, Hughes and Kennedy have sorta sucked. It's a long season.

With rookie pitchers, you need hitting, you need 6-8 runs a game... to take the pressure off them.

That's the problem. No hitting.

You cannot have rookie pitchers who think they gotta throw shutouts. It blows their minds. They let in a run, and they're crushed.

Keep this up, and you'll wreck them.

Hank, Hank, Hank... Big decisions are coming fast. We have too many DHs and nobody to steal a base. We are old. We are slow. We are the way we always are this time of year: Choking on big contracts and inflated egos.

Lately, it always takes us into late May before somebody has the billiards to replace a Womack with a Cano, a Damon with a Melky, or a Stanton with -- well, still figuring that one, eh?

One of these days, Joe's going to have to bench Bobby Abreu (medium average, no power, lame defense), Johnny Damon (ditto) or Jason Giambi (nothing across the board) or Mike Mussina (ugh.) That'll be ugly. But we can't run a 25-man roster with 5 DHs.

Leave the kids alone. And take your pills.

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