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Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Holy crap: Aroldis Chapman looks like a stick figure

Three photos of Aroldis Chapman have ruled his 100 days of quarantine. 

In May, we saw his "Hulk Smash" shot - cartoonish arms swollen from curls - while playing, what?, looks like the home version of Hollywood Squares. Yeesh. Look at those shoulders. Would he even fit in a Yankee jersey?


In June, we met the Chapmobile - his $150,000, custom-made, six-wheel, Kevlar-lined super jeep. WTF? Does he expect to be attacked by street gangs? Will he be off-roading in NYC? This begged the question: Does he ever expect to find parking? 


And now this, a shot of his newly svelte, vegan-no carbs Justin Timberlake, thin-again, beach boy pin-up. According to the Internet, he's lost 10 pounds, down to 208.


Look: No judgement here. Yes, we're jealous. We could all have used the quarantine to dump 10 pounds. Some of us - well - chose other avenues of weight fluctuation. 

Obviously, Aroldis has worked hard. Kudos on that. The first thing that Cooperstown Cashman did last winter - yeesh, it seems like 10 years ago - was to sign Chapman to a contract extension. Looks like he plans to give his all.

But pardon me if I worry.

A few years back, you may remember that CC Sabathia came to camp looking like Ann Coulter with a tummy tuck. It was a noble experiment - with CC hoping less body weight would mean less strain on his knees. It didn't work. Somewhere in the Jenny Craig transformation, the new CC Mini-Me lost a few MPH on his fastball, and he eventually returned to whale status. Pitching requires a strange mating dance between health and power. Until Chapman starts pitching, we should wonder whether this new guy - he looks like Aroldis - will be the same deal. 

I worry about why Chapman thinks he needs an armored car. Does he plan on blowing a few saves? 

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

There is no way of knowing how he, or anyone else for that matter, will perform this season, until we see them playing. He might throw just as hard as last year, when he seemed to have lost a few mph off his fastball from his peak in years past. Or he might throw harder, back to his peak form. Or he might continue on the slow inevitable decline that everyone has to face one day. I hope he gets the 103 mph fastball back, with control. I think he drives Gary Sanchez nuts with those fastballs ten feet high, where Sanchez has to suddenly jump up to catch it.

The Hammer of God

Kevin said...

Juice cycling......

Ol' Daddy Yankee Roger said...

You mean, "blowing a few safes"? Hah! Most amusing.

Der Kaiser said...

I remember a report a few years ago about Chapman's offseason life at the time, implying that he was intensely bored off the field, waking up at sunset and smoking cigarettes by his pool. It sounded pretty self-destructive, although it may well have been an unfair depiction. If he's now disciplined enough to focus on fitness, that sounds like an improvement. But the proof is always in the pudding.

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