Virtual Baseball: Yanks Polish Off Mets, Lose Opener to BoSox

(NOTE: Due to nothing working anymore, anywhere, ever, this HoraceClarke66 composition had to be posted by Mustang, but make no mistake: Hoss is the writer.)

You will have to excuse your virtual baseball correspondent, who found himself trapped near the inner circle of thought, from which he is hoping to escape soon. 

In the meantime, though, just to put an Altoid on your bated breath, you should know that the virtual Yankees finished sweeping all four games against the Queens team this season.  For the second time this year, Yankees ace Gerrit Cole bested Mets hurler Jacob "Hard Luck" deGrom.  

Cole allowed only two hits and struck out 13, but was nicked for a run when old friend Brett Gardner bounced a pitch off the overhanging, right field facade now known as the Your Name Here Porch.  That 1-0 lead held up until Giancarlo Stanton, reaching second base in the eighth inning, managed to steal the Mets signs, and alertly signaled Aaron Judge what to expect from reliever Edwin Diaz.

"Actually, it being Diaz, I was expecting a big meatball right across the plate with no movement," Judge told reporters, "and that's what I got.  But it was very cool that Giancarlo was able to do that.  He is truly a man of knowledge."

Traveling up to the virtual Fens tonight, though, the Yanks were not so fortunate.  James Paxton left all his maply goodness behind in New York, it seems, as the Sox jumped all over him in the third, with Rafael Devers hitting a grand slam to cap the rally.  

The Bronx team fell, 7-3, to Boston ace Eduardo Rodriguez, despite solo homers from Luke Voit, Gary Sanchez, and Mike Tauchman.  

The incredible thing is, though, that...wait we're fading!...can you read me...can you...ca...