Virtual Baseball: The King Is Back! Only to Be Eaten By a Polar Bear. But Jordy Picks Him Up! Then Has to Face Gardy! Oh, just read the story already!

The back nine of the Virtual Subway Series resumed today at the Stadium Formerly Known as Shea, and what a doozy!

Recovering Yankees starter Mike King got his first start since his ruinous no-hitter in May—only to be touched for a pair of mammoth home runs by the Mammoth Polar Bear, Pete Alonso.  The large manchild also belted a third one off reliever Adam Ottavino, driving in a total of 7 runs on the night.

But the Yankees responded with their own hitting display against Mets starter Mike Wacha, the major-league pitcher most likely to be mistaken for a supermarket chain.  A reviving Aaron Judge drove two balls to the farthest reaches of left field, while Giancarlo Stanton and Mike Ford added dingers for New York.

The biggest hit, though, was the bunt Stanton alertly pushed to the opposite field against the shift,  a move that caught Mets second sacker Jogginson Cano literally sleeping, and ended up scoring three runs.

"Look, I was out late drinking and whoring, okay?" an exasperated Cano replied, when asked after the game for an explanation.  "Geez Louise, it's not like I don't have a social life, you know?"

It all came down to the bottom of the ninth inning, though, in the ballpark the Mets chose to name after the bank responsible for more depressions than any other in American history, rather than the beloved figure who made their existence possible.

Former Yankee Brett Gardner, whose fiery leadership has been credited for the Flushing team's dramatic turnaround this month, had already lined a single, double, and triple on the day.  Facing Jordan Montgomery, who had pitched four innings of outstanding relief with two on and two out, Gardy smashed another hot shot down the third-base line—only to see Gio Urshela make an incredible pick.

Urshela somehow managed to beat Cano, the runner on second, to third base for the force, despite stumbling, falling, and having to ultimately crawl to the bag.

"Look, it was a tough night!  Wow, I'd love to see you guys get interviewed every time you went into work hungover," Cano told reporters.

The play preserved the Yankees' 13-12 victory and put the team 40 games over .500 for the first time this season, at 73-33, just two games behind the surging Tampa Bay Rays.

Still, Brett Gardner pronounced himself pleased with his team's inspired play this month, despite a pitching staff that has been riddled with injuries.  The Queens team is now in third place, only 9 games behind the division-leading Nationals.

"Hey, anything is possible," said Gardy.  "It's almost like the Big Guy in the Sky is writing the story this season."