Virtual Baseball: Giancarlo Returns! Happ a Snap Against the Angels!

The virtual New York Yankees had a triumphant homecoming after assorted trips west today, coming home to thump the Golden State Angels of Los Angeles Near Anaheim California, 6-2.

J.A. Happ, pitching for the first time since his heart-stopping All-Star Game save, was in fine trim, lasting seven innings and surrendering only two, solo home runs to Mike Trout.  Meanwhile, Mike Ford, Mike Tauchman, and Miguel Andujar homered to provide all of the Yankees' runs, making this the first time in major-league history that all the scoring in a game with eight or more runs was provided by people named "Mike"—though protests quickly broke out, over claims that "Miguel" is not "Michael."

Baseball commissioner Rob Manfredmann ruled that the controversy would be adjudicated by Michael Jordan.

But the big news at the Stadium today was the appearance of Giancarlo Stanton, who was cheered to the rafters by a howling mob of Yankees fans.  To the shock of all, Stanton weighed in at a mere 220 pounds, and was noticeably slimmer and less ripped.

Taking batting practice, he hit several pitches to the opposite field, and even choked up on his bat, bringing gasps of wonder from the crowd.

"Who even knew such wondrous magic with a bat were possible?" exclaimed at least one fan, before fainting with surprise.

Stanton told reporters that, after the MLB owners and commissioner had gone back on their promises and betrayed his every effort to make the game great again, all that was left for him to do was to demonstrate what he meant on the ballfield.

"Surely, people will believe what they can see with their own eyes," Stanton told the press, with a straight face.

General manager Brian Cashman had no comment to make on Stanton's statement, but reporters were certain that they heard strange gnashing and hissing sounds emanating from inside Cashman's Eagel Protection Headgear.