Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Virtual Off-Day: The Mets Loom. Here Come the Judge? And How About Gardy??? And, oh yeah, that Amazon Guy is Back.

The Yankees will start the season's virtual subway series tomorrow, hosting the Virtual New York Mets—and rarely have so many question marks hovered over both teams during this annual summer extravaganza.

While the location and condition of Giancarlo Stanton remains mysterious, rumors are flying that the Yanks' erstwhile superhero, Aaron Judge, has recovered from his latest lingering injury, and will be activated in time for tomorrow night's game.

For the Pinstripers, this raises the question of what to do with their aged, hobbled hero, Brett Gardner.  With Miguel Andujar, Clint Frazier, Mike Tauchman, and Aaron Hicks already playing well in the outfield, the return of Judge would seem to leave Gardy with no place to go—even if Stanton does not return.

Meanwhile, even more confounding stories are now chasing the Queens Team like the proverbial hound of the Baskervilles.

Reliable sources close to the Mets' organization are insisting that the team is about to be dealt at last—and that the buyer will be Amazon owner Jeff Bezos.  The main interest for Bezos is not, of course the ever-underachieving ball club, currently mired in fourth place, 15 games behind the division-leading Gnats, but the Willets Point development that has stalled under the direction of Fred and Fredo Wilpon.

Just how this would work is unclear—especially since Bezos is said to be interested in renaming the team, the "Amazonians," and adding the company's famous curved penis to the team's uniforms.

Asked how he would feel about sacrificing so many of the traditions of the team he has owned for so long, the senior Wilpon replied, "Yeah, but they would give us money.  Lots and lots of money.  So it's okay."

A further problem may lie in the fact that Willets Point is actually public land, and cannot be sold or given away without an act of the New York State legislature.  But Wilpon pooh-poohed these concerns as well.

"Maybe you didn't hear me.  Bezos will give them all money:  the judges, the legislature.  He has all the money in the world.  An estimated $166 billion, right now.  Do the math.  He gives us $2 bill for the Mets and Willets, gives each member of the legislature, say, $10 mill, maybe another $70 mill in all to the governor and the top judges, and what's he down to?  About $162 billion.  A billion for every game.  Get it now?  Fuck, you guys are slow!"

A spokesman for Mr. Bezos had no comments, except to confirm that his boss does indeed have all the money in the world.



TheWinWarblist said...

Fuck Jeff Bezos and his fucking commercials of happy drones working themselves to death is his modern day fucking sweat shops.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Horace, you’re a fucking liar. You told us all John was in a coma. I cried, I prayed, I sacrificed EIGHT GOD DAMN SHEEP FOR NOTHING! John been conscious all along... and even participated in a WFAN 33rd anniversary broadcast on July 4... https://omny.fm/shows/wfanam-on-demand/suzyn-waldman-and-howie-rose-with-john-sterling

HoraceClarke66 said...

Different universes, P.G.T., different universes.

They say there could be an infinite number out there. I still want to get to the one where the Yankees win every game.

I mean, that or the Homer Simpson one where the doughnuts fall down like rain.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Ah, that universe was known as 1998

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