Sunday, July 19, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Yanks Sink Into Miss-is-sip Again. Where Is Giancarlo?

The St. Louis Cardinals easily pushed past Jordan Montgomery and the (once) high-flying Yankees again today, taking a 6-3 win in bush Busch Stadium.  Only Miguel Andujar's three-run blast kept the Bronx team from being blanked.

Jordan Montgomery, who took the loss, was quizzed after the game about his generally lethargic performance.

"I gets weary, and sick of tryin'," Montgomery said frankly, shrugging his shoulders.  "I'm tired of livin', an scared of dyin'."

After uttering these words, Montgomery was immediately whisked away by the Yankees' crack medical team, to spend the night under psychiatric evaluation.  But other Bombers expressed sympathy for how he felt.

"Look at Mike Ford over there," said one prominent Yankee, pointing at the first baseman as he cheerfully consumed a catfish hoagie.  "He don't plant taters, he don't plant cotton.  And them that plants 'em is soon forgotten.  But old Mike Ford, he just keeps rollin' along."

"You an' me, we sweat an' strain," agreed Aaron Judge.  "Body all achin' an' racked with pain."

"Tote that barge, lift that bale," added Mike Tauchman.  "You gets a little drunk an' you lands in jail."

"But old Mike Ford,"said Luke Voit, watching Ford devour the last of his sandwich in record time, "that old Mike Ford, he just keeps rollin' along."

Meanwhile, speculation continued to grow over where Giancarlo Stanton is, and how he could possibly let MLB cancel all of his plans to improve the game.

Asked if Stanton's plans really would have changed baseball for the better, Brian Cashman told writers, "It ain't necessarily so.  It ain't necessarily so.  They tell all your children, the devil he's a villain.  It ain't necessarily so."

Reporters were eager to hear more of his explanation, but their boat was leavin' soon.  For New York.


Der Kaiser said...

Hal Steinbrenner, whose father is known to have been rich, and whose mother was widely considered good-looking, dismissed complaints about the state of the game, urging critics to "Hush," and "Don't you cry!"

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

I see you appropriated from the greatest work of cultural appropriation... maybe that means you were returning it?

JM said...

I laughed. It's deranged, but deranged genius.

Plus it also reminded me of how great Paul Robeson was.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hey, always steal from the best!

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Paul Robeson was a commie stooge. Other than that... smart, athletic, and a hell of a voice. Maybe we can let Robeson off the hook in exchange for a Jefferson.

Isiyku Abdulahi said...

I really want the world to know about this great man who brought back happiness into my life again after my husband left me and the kids 3 years ago for another women online when i contacted Dr Believe he cast a love spell for me within 48 hours my ex husband start calling me and begging for forgiveness for everything that have happened between us. I was so happy to have my family back together with love again here is the email of Dr Believe via a man with the great powers you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348156148821
God bless you
I am very grateful for your help in my marriage.