Here is a proposition.
Have 8 oz. of Gentleman Jack with your breakfast, and ponder this decision:
1. You own the Yankees.
2. Your name is Hal
3. You are an asshole
4. Giancarlo's agent asks for a meeting with you.
5. Behind closed doors, said agent proposes that his "client" will retire tomorrow morning, citing the need, " to pursue other interests ."
6. Just write a check for $100 million.
Raise your hand if you would do it.
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16 comments:
Deal me in. But don't think this hallucination is going to happen.
And while we're on the subject of hallucinations, here's why the New York Murdoch Daily Rag is so full of shohei.
Two headlines:
The first, "Poor start won’t stop Braves from winning World Series"
And just underneath: "Deafening Yankee Stadium silence tells you everything."
The Braves? 0-3 Imagine how their fans must feel.
The Yankees? 1-2 And here we are ready for seppuku
Even in this small sample size, there is a lot of positive signs: King went six, Sanchez has 2 dinger (on a pace to hit 108), and most of our best hitters haven't shown up yet, and we can't even blame the cold weather. Oh, and it's April, where Baltimore jumps out into the division lead. That alone should tell you something.
If Yankees Stadium is dead silent after three games, it's only because there hasn't been anyone eaten by lions, and very little blood has been spilled.
As for sitting out Stanton, meh. I don't read anything into it until he hits the IL with a broken toe nail. The minute he starts hitting bombs (hopefully soon) all will be forgiven. Or at least some of it.
Now THIS is more like it.
But why the fuck is Goober batting third with an 071 is batting third and Clint, at 471 batting ninth?
Because Hicks is Cashman's pet. And Frazier handled the press poorly one night two years ago.
Because, Dick Allen, Aaron Hicks is a lefty (against righties), and therefore breaks up grouping the two big righties together, but of course in every other circumstance having lefties doesn't matter.
Am I making myself clear? It's Yankees logic!
Hicks... is what Hal thinks we all are. Aka people from New Jersey.
But of course, HC88, anyone who isn't retarded--namely anyone but Cashman--would know that Hicks can't hit righties or lefties, which is especially damning for a switch-hitter--in other words, he should no longer be getting paid to play baseball.
Anon, he ONLY can't hit them when he's playing. Which is about a third of the time. So really, his exorbitant long-term contract makes perfect sense: He can't stink if he can't get on the field! Yankees logic!
Pretzel Logic. Hicks belongs in the nine hole - wasn’t there a suggestion once upon a time to have the 9 be a “second lead off hitter?” Hicks normally has a terrific OBP - but he hasn’t hit above 270 EVER, so, if the Yankees see him as a way to break up Judge and Stanton, then why the insistence on so few righty hitters in the lineup? This illogic is baffling, especially given the history of the ballpark. Judge bats second because he should be entitled to more at bats each year, so it stands to reason (there I go again) that Clint belongs there!
We seem to be living in a tipsy-turbulent world where nothing makes sense anymore. Maybe the Yankees have adopted a reverse George Costanza mentality. I give up. Apparently people who should know more about baseball than an old crank like me seem to be regressing. Right now, Frazier is at 545 OBP and a 1.212 OPS and Boone has him batting NINTH?!?!?
I’m losing my mind.
Listen my Alphonso dear:
Something's wrong with you I fear.
It's getting harder to please you,
Harder and harder each year.
I don't want to make you blue
But you need a talking to.
Like a lot of people I know
Here's what's wrong with you:
After you get what you want, you don't want it.
If I gave you the moon, you'd grow tired of it soon.
You're like a baby:
You want what you want when you want it
But after you are presented
With what you want, you're discontented.
You're always wishing and wanting for something.
When you get what you want
You don't want what you get.
And when I sit upon the bench
You only smell my stench,
'Cause after you get what you want
You don't want what you wanted at all.
I tried to imagine myself in a position where I could dispense $100 million without caring.
In my current sitch, it's roughly like ME parting with a $10 bill.
SO: Yes, I would do it.
In a heartbeat. But Hal would fuck the deal up by offering only one year of his salary now with the rest deferred payments. When Jeff Bezos buys the team in several years, he will be fettered with the Bobby Bonilla-like contract into the next century.
Oh course I'd do it! Of course I am neither Hal nor that ponderous an asshole.
Love the poem, by the way. Or is it a sonnet?
I loved the poem too. How long did it take that guy to come up with that? Wow!
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