Monday, July 22, 2013

Yankeetorial: The Yankacalypse is here. It's time to start earting our own

Last night should have been 2013's greatest victory. Imagine a Liliputian squad of Hafners and Overbays beating the Redsocks in Fenway. You might as well imagine a cure for greed.

Well, it wasn't our worst loss. Nope. We've suffered more hideous debacles and have a few more left in our 2013 backpack. But last night was our most deflating moment since Tex went down for good, and it's an especially mediocre team that can lose both the 1-0 and 8-7 game - and that, comrades, is what we are. This won't change with Jeet and A-Rod back (increasingly unlikely.) The Grandyman won't save us. The scrap heap has been picked clean. From here on, stems and seeds.

Thus, let's pray Brian "Beggars-Can't-Be-Choosers" Cashman doesn't drain the system for another Ken Phelps, and turn a two-year trench into a 10-year depression. Last year, Boston ate a urinal cake and peddled three stars for a new reality. We talk about trading Hughes and Joba - whoopie-do - and getting, what? The son of John Mayberry? (Or the reincarnation of John Mayberry?) Nope. It's time to think the unthinkable. Would a little ketsup on that urinal cake make it taste better?

Robbie: Ouch. If we trade Cano, he'll probably take it personally and never return as a free agent (until age 41, when he's hitting .170). But the next three months in a poisonous NYC clubhouse - with empty seats and a seething fan base - could have him packing his bags anyway. Also, he might see a team in the turmoil ditch for three years and flee to LA, where the billionaire owners don't pull out their pockets to poor-mouth. Jeez, what do we do about Robbie? He is all we have. But would we want another 10 year deal? If we lose this guy, a sandwich pick won't cut it.

Hiroki: A great Yankee! Damn, we would miss him. But I gotta think teams in the race would go push their faces in the pie for the pitcher who can win that one-game Wild Card series, and bidding wars don't happen every day. It's pathetic that we should imagine this. But we can come in fourth with him, and without him. Considering the caps MLB places on spending, how many sandwich picks do we need?

Mariano: Wait a minute, sit down, I'm not speaking blaspheme, I swear it! In the final days of Elston Howard, the Yankees traded Ellie to the Redsocks for two prospects, one of whom turned out to be the great Ron Klimkowski. Ellie settled Boston's pitchers and got a few big hits. My question is simple: Would it be honoring Mariano by moving him to a pennant-bound team? (But not Boston.) Should his final moments be in meaningless victories (rare events, I might add) with a bunch of scrap heapers? Would he prefer one last crack at a World Series ring? Only person can answer this: Mariano. I'm not angling to squeeze anybody for the next Ron Klimkowski - we'd get nothing in return - but if Mo wants to pitch in one last post-season, should the organization stand in his way?

Ichiro: Same deal. Last year, the Mariners gave him to us, so he could play meaningful games. Should we pay it forward? Last winter - ridiculously - as we passed on important RH hitters and whiffed on the magnitude of Jeter's ankle injury - we signed Ichiro to a two-year deal. Stupid then, absurd now. We should pay the second year and trade him to a West Coast team with money and hope. There is no reason to watch this great star - with little Yankee legacy, aside from his incredible Twister slide into home last October against Baltimore -  in the final throes of his career, next season platooning with Slade Heathcott or Zolio Almonte - playing for some miserable Yankee team. Do we want to remember him the way we do Danny Tartabull and Steve Kemp? Hell no. Let the man go.

I know, I know... it's too early to toss in the towels, especially with Mariano. But we're now chasing the last slot of the Wild Card, and it is time for this organization to publicly recognize its plight. We have been in denial long enough. Take a close look everybody. The Yankee Apocalypse is here. Who gets eaten first?


KD said...

The Socks have ownership who love and understand baseball. Can we say that of the Steinspawn?

Alphonso said...

So you are finally catching on.

I would trade Cano in a minute if I felt the Yankees were able to accurately ( or even be remotely accurate ) judge prospects.

Unfortunately, we'll get Cito Gaston twice over. And throw in an Andy Brackman. Anyone over 6'10" is of interest to us.

Obviously, the Stewart play did not carry over.

Only the failure to drive in runners in scoring position, and give up homers at heart-breaking moments, has weight.

JM said...

I think we're missing the elephant in the room, even if he is a little slimmer than his usual corpulent, baggy-pants self.

Last night, once again, and in a game we really kind of needed, Sabathia stunk. And on top of that, we could still have won if he was treated like any other pitcher and yanked when it was clear he stunk. But as usual, Girardi left him in to get hammered.

SEVEN RUNS. It's really just incredible to watch. This is a team that has scored 3 or fewer runs in over 60 games. If anyone had come in to stop the bleeding, anyone at all, we might have won this, and without the stupidity of extra innings. (Oh, and we can't bring Mo in because he's The Closer. Never mind that Boston brought in their closer to hold the game for an inning and then resorted to the patchwork quilt. Our brilliant manager would rather do the opposite.)

Get rid of goddamn CC already. He's only 33 and going through an "adjustment year" (*cough*). But there would be a stampede to get him, and we could actually get somebody pretty decent in return.

He's not an ace. He never will be, now that his velocity is gone, and that's if he ever really was. Keep Kuroda. Let him be the new Andy, the old guy we root for, which isn't hard since he's pitching better than anyone in the starting rotation and basically has been since he got here.

Here's the really amazing thing. This is a scrapheap, crapheap group of Yankees we have, and STILL we could have won last night and taken 2 of 3 from the mighty Schlox. How this team manages to win games and scratch out runs sometimes is incredible. Sometimes I think if we could just bench Ruiz (in Class A or AA, please) and have Nix back, we'd be a hell of a lot closer to the top than we are.

But we aren't going to do it as long as we have Sabathia. Because a) he's not that good anymore, and b) Girardi will never yank him to try and win a game even when it's obvious he should (CC really eats innings, but Girardi just eats it).

Solve the problem. Get the big man out of here. Maybe we can get two or three smaller men of value in return.

PS...Yes, we won in 2009, and that was great. But has anyone mentioned how the "big signings" of CC, Tex, A-Rod (well, of course he's mentioned all the time), then Granderson have all turned out to be relative crap? If we could only be rid of the lot of them and start fresh, we'd be better off.

Just saying. I'd give up some HRs (and whiffs and pathetic averages) to get a couple more .300-.325 hitters any day.

KD said...

I think Mo is having too good a time on his farewell tour to jump to a contender. Even in Boston, the socks fans treated him very well. I guess they really do feel sorry for us.

I'm sure if Mo was hankering for another ring, he'd say something. But please don't go and offer him an option to leave. That'd be on par with offering your girlfriend the option of another guy after you've been diagnosed with ED. Who'd do that?

Anonymous said...

Maybe someone like Mike Mussina could come back simply to teach CC how to pitch.

SanJoseKid said...

"CC really eats innings, but Girardi just eats it"

John, that's a zinger! Congratulations!