Virtual Baseball: German Fails to Make It to Rogers, Yanks Fall.

Domingo German, the erstwhile Yankees virtual phenom who was scheduled to finally make his first start of the season today, instead caused an 88-car crash in Toronto.  Jordan Montgomery, rushed in to pitch in German's stead, was battered by the Blue Jays, as the Yanks lost, 9-4, and dropped their first virtual series since virtual May.

German was thought to be safe and secure on his way to the Rogesr Cetnre today, as he had borrowed Aroldis Chapman's new, Kevlar-lined, $150,000 armored combat Jeep.  But he inexplicably set off for the ballpark on the left side of the road, and ended up ploughing through vehicle after vehicle that had the misfortune to actually be obeying the traffic rules.

"I thought, you know, Canada is a British colony, right?  So, you must drive on the left," German explained afterwards through a translator.

Manager Ma Boone was soon heard furiously lecturing the delinquent hurler on the fine points of the 1864 Quebec and Charlottetown conferences, the 1867 British North America Act,  the 1931 Statute of Westminster, and the 1982 Canada Act.  Afterwards, the young pitcher only seemed more confused.

"Wait, so Newfoundland didn't join the Canadian Confederation until 1949?  What was that about?  And now it's Newfoundland and Labrador?" German asked through his openly exasperated translator.

Later, clubhouse cut-up Luke Voit admitted that it was he who had misinformed Domingo about Canada's colonial status, "just to see what fun would result."

The hastily prepared Monty was ripped apart by those twin killers of Toronto, Bo B. and Vladdy G., who each hit two home runs this time out.  They more than negated solo shots by the repentant Voit, and Kyle Higashioka.

The loss dropped the Yanks to 62-28 on the virtual season, still three games behind the TB Rays, who are still hanging tough in first.

On a brighter note, the Royal Canadian Mounties announced that German's battle Jeep had caused an 88-car pile-up, breaking by one vehicle the previous Canadian record for largest ever multiple-car crash.  (The record does not count the infamous, 103-donkey cart collision set on a foggy day in Labrador in 1946, when the province was still independent of Canada.  But not of Great Britain.)

Thankfully, no individuals were seriously hurt by the Kevlar Konqueror, although German also totaled 23 mailboxes, 10 fire hydrants, 3 empty baby carriages, 15 vegetable carts, and 10 plates of sheet glass being carefully carried by workers in overalls through intersections, who then squeezed their formless little hats in their fists, hurled them to the street, and shook their fists after the retreating Kevlorian.