Tuesday, April 2, 2013

What is Joba Chamberlain trying to tell us through his mustache?

The Yankee Code of Conduct, Section 42, Article A, states: "Players shall not exhibit rampant, wanton or unruly facial hair, either natural or synthetic, which undermines the franchise's traditional image of idealism, youth and opposition to tomfoolery. Chins, upper lips and shoulders should feature freely exposed dermis, unless special waivers are granted. See GAMBLE, OSCAR. "

When stars, such as Kevin Youkilis, join the team, the first order of business - after the de-lousing bath - is to be shaven and shorn of excessive facial festoonery.

Which is why, yesterday, all practicing fans of the Yankiverse were dismayed and concerned over the "situation" involving Joba Chamberlain upper lip component.

For months, it has been rumored that Joba will not be re-signed after this season, and even that the team is edging him to the Swisher door.  This spring, when Joba suggested he still could be a starting pitcher, the Yankee brass openly mocked his statements.

Now this.

We at IT IS HIGH have long opposed the Yankee Policy of Bare Faces. We have been looking for a champion, for a leader, who can Salvador Dali the Yankees into the New Age.

Today, we believe the Yankee facial hair ban is hanging by a follicle. Joba Chamberlain may be the rebel leader we needed. Every hair below his nose calls for Change... long overdue.

We support Joba's mustache. Yes, he sucked yesterday in the eighth. Nevertheless, it wasn't his mustache's fault. Don't blame the mustache for the failure of the frame! Don't blame the beard for a .222. It's time for the Yankees to accept facial diversity. America is on the verge of supporting same-sex marriage - and yet the Yankee facial hair ban remains in effect? We say, down with the beard ban!

If your team is always winning, you can ban anything. But when your team is in fourth, change must come.



Anonymous said...

Pops Racer

KD said...

There is no mystery here. He is saying "Trade me". BTW, I do support the hair ban. I would also support a ban on dangly necklaces, earrings, tiaras, and the like. All metrosexual odornments previously worn only by women.

Anonymous said...

super Mario Bros.

Dick Tidrow RHP said...

Remember how FINE I looked? Remember how well I pitched?
And now I have helped the SF Giants become world champs. All because of my glorious Fu Manchu moustache.

JM said...

I'm with KD.

3 runs in 0.2 = moustache

Or it could just have been suck-ass pitching. But I'm thinking moustache.

Alphonso said...

He can't play in Cleveland with that. It is a natural nesting spot for midges.