Sunday, April 28, 2013

Aceves II? Ladies and gentlemen, the Vidal Nuno Era is about to begin

Across the Yankiverse, the anguished cries have long resounded: "Give us a new Alfredo! Give us a new Edwar! Give us a new Aaron." (As in, "Aceves, Ramirez and Small, oh my!")

Yesterday, the Retrieval Empire promoted from its Amish Country coalyard the soft-tossing mystery man, Vidal "Sassoon As Possible" Nuno. Now what?

Before we discuss the usual whosies, whatsies, whensies and wheresies... (mah! such jocularity, such wit, on a Sunday, too!) let's go directly to the How... as in... "This is not my beautiful wife, this is not my beautiful house... how did we get here?"

Well, in the Year of the Scrapheap, how do you think we got here? We signed him... from a hobo jungle... as he was attempting to board a circus train. We did it last summer. Somebody must have seen something. Because ever since Mr. Nuno showed up from Nowhereville, he has thrown zeros onto scoreboards. So... what do we have?

1. The Alfredo Scenario: He's an MLB long-and-short reliever, the real deal. He'll be around for four or five years. We should not - (talking to you, Cashman) - let him just walk out the door. He represents the kind of found-talent lugnut that helps teams win rings.

2. The Aaron Scenario: He's got the better part of a season in him. He could be our fifth starter, and we might not miss Ivan Nova one iota. (Hmmm, that's almost a poem.) No long term Yankee, but we still smile when thinking of Smallball.

3. The Edwar Scenario: For two weeks, Edwar Ramirez looked like the 2nd Coming of Mariano. Then, well, kaboom. There actually are a lot of commonalities between Edwar and Vidal - most notably their weirdly cool first names. 

4. The Colter Scenario: Mr. Bean was a legend in Triple A, after we picked him up from the scrap heap. Soft-tosser, too. All I remember were home runs flying out, and games going with it. I believe Colter set back the chances of every soft-tossing pitcher in the minor leagues.

So here we are, folks. This is one of the truly enjoyable parts of being a psychotic Yankee fan: A story emerges out of nowhere, an International Man of Mystery pops up (actually, Nuno is a California guy), and we're about to inscribe into the fossil record. This is like a Disney movie in 1975. Maybe we just opened a can of Flubber gas, and the Yankiverse will be forever changed. If not, well, Simba, the circle of life must keep turning. How's that Montgomery kid pitching in Scranton? Hakuna mutata!

1 comment:

Alphonso said...

And what age is this dude?

Why have we never heard of him?

In all our rundowns, in all the gin joints, his name never emerged.