Friday, April 26, 2013

The Yankees, first in age and near last in stolen bases, wait beneath the ground, listening for signs of their rescuers

Today, I used Hal 3000 for some fancy-dan number crapola, to see if the stats square with my sense that we're sitting in a coal shaft with a coughing canary. We're tapping on the wall, listening for a response, hoping to be rescued by Grandyman, Tex, Arod, Jeet, Chien-Ming Wang, a peachfuzz or two from Trenton and - of course - the light at the end of the tunnel, Michael "not Jesus" Pineda. Tap tap. Nothing. Tap tap. Polly want a bullet?

We win and look awesome, lose and look awful. With Toronto losing Reyes and watching Mark Buerle morph into Kevin Millwood, the AL power has shifted to Boston - which we know is an emotion-charged mirage. The only question is how good Tampa's young pitchers will be and what the Rays will be like when that stud OF from the KC trade arrives. But here are some stats to ponder. In rankings of AL teams, the Yankees are:

First in ages of both hitters (31.9) and pitchers (32.4).  No surprise. When the regulars return, it will only worsen. Until we get help from the minors - probably in 2015 - we just grow older and more feeble.  This, of course, is the looming Yankee apocalypse.

Thirteenth in stolen bases. WTF? Gardner looks like he's dragging an invisible colostomy bag. Ichiro stole No. 1 last night. Nuney can't steal first. I thought we would be blazing the paths. (By the way, we are fourth in caught stealing.) This will change soon.

First in home runs. Hooray? Oh crap? I dunno. Another season of Jack Custs and Richie Sextons? We should start considering the possibility that all this HR crap is due to the new Yankee Stadium, a bandbox, akin to Coors Field and the Homerdome. (At last! A reason that explains why we drafted Dante Bichette Jr.!) We won last night with HRs. We won't win in October with them.

Thirteenth in walks. Unforgivable. We are supposed to be grinders. Ichiro, of course, refuses to walk, but let's not obsess on him - at least until June. Here is where we really miss Nick Swisher. But hey - the Steinbrothers saved money. All you Yankee austerity fans, crack the bubbly.

Fifth in runs. Vernon Wells. Where would we be without him?

Seventh in ERA. Not bad. Middle of the pack. And that's where we are - two above .500. Tap tap. Shhh. Hear anything? Tap tap. Are they coming?


KD said...

"We won last night with HRs. We won't win in October with them." Truer words were never written. This notion was all i could think about last night, despite a nice W.

joe de pastry said...

If we win in October we will win with HRs. Easier to get a homer off a mistake from a good pitcher than to string together walks and hits to get runs. Remember Gibson, Carter, Mazeroski, Reggie, Chambliss, Brosius, Tino, Mr. November? Lots of October games are won with homers.

Cyrano d'Pronkster, from da Bronx said...

Whazzat, NINE (9) walks tonight? That JuJu stuff sure works. Glad I read your blog. Sterling reads it, too, but he has to have three or four glasses of bourbon before he works up enough nerve to see what you've posted. Yep. 9 walks . . . . Keep that JuJu JuJuing.

Alphonso said...

And Toronto lost last night because all they could do on offense was hit solo home runs!