Thursday, April 4, 2013

Open letter to Bud Selig: It's time to bring drones to baseball stadiums

Dear Mr. Commissioner,

Last night, a few nail-tough Yankee fans braved arctic hell to watch an evil, scheming succubus of a game. The Yankees were down 7-1 in a bitter cold, yet they maintained vigil. These heroes deserve medals. Each should receive a ream of free copying paper from W.B. Mason - instead of the "ream" of another sort, which the home team supplied last night, and which need not be  pursued here in descriptive depth.

It is time for fan-drones! On hell nights like last night, no human being - not even Donald Trump - should have to sit for four hours on a frozen plastic plank and feel his seed-maker turn into salt. Drones have proven to be great successes, militarily. In Afghanistan, they have been hits as wedding parties and Bar Mitzvahs - (actually, not too many Bar Mitsvahs, but you get the point.)

How about a baseball fan application, Mr. Selig!

Why not give fans the option of renting an overhead flying drone? Of course, each drone must to adhere to the rules of F.A.A. airspace, and they must not interfere with batted balls. Each drone can be equipped with a hockey horn, so fans can blast their delight over a home run or strikeout. Drones can not only supply great fan vantage points, but they will explain photographs like this one, of the suffering Yankee fans who could have been home, popping popcorn.

This season, Yankee attendance can be sky-high, without boots on the ground.




KD said...

Let me tell you, it was Hell last night. I keep wondering, year after year, why the F don't they start the season in mid-April? Just toss in a few good old-fashioned double headers to make up for the "late" start? (Yes, I think I know why real double headers are extinct...)

We left after the 7th to defrost and don't feel bad that we missed the false hope of the 8th. It's difficult to feel bad about such things when your extremities are numb.

In case anyone is wondering: parking up to $35 and regular beers up to $9.75. We'll be the pride of baseball when we finally break the $10 beer barrier!!

joe de pastry said...

My daughter wants to know whether they are still charging only $6.00 for stale pretzels.

el duque said...

Did you try the disco lounge?

Whenever I see all those empty seats, I just figure that everybody's dancing in the disco lounge.

KD said...

they were either dancing or simply jumping about trying to keep warm. hard for an old fart to tell, really. Kids these days...

will report back on stale pretzels, NYY steak sandwiches, and hot dogs after the next Friday home game.

Alphonso said...

I'm all for this if my drone can be configured to look like a seagull.

I'm Bill White said...

Who is live blogging SWB opener?